


Valyria

by tuliptoes



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Man Who Loved Mars fusion, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Jaime is a bisexual disaster, Lin Carter homage, M/M, Modern AU, Past Jaime Lannister/Arthur Dayne, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28077135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuliptoes/pseuds/tuliptoes
Summary: JB meet's Lin Carter's 'The Man Who Loved Mars.'Former soldier Jaime Lannister has lived for ten years in exile from Valyria, the planet where he tried and failed to lead the people to freedom. Brienne Tarth, her father and her friend offer him a trip back in exchange for help tracking down a missing soldier, her brother, in the wilds of a hostile world.Neither of them can know what's ahead of them.
Relationships: Arthur Dayne/Jaime Lannister, Hyle Hunt & Brienne of Tarth, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 40
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In 2006, I went to Phoenix to my friend Sarah’s wedding. Our friend Natalie and I shared a hotel room to save some money, and the day after the wedding, we were bumming around the city and she asked me to take her to her mom’s house.
> 
> While we there, we saw a large pile of books that Natalie’s mom was going to donate; they belonged to her brother who had died recently, and she was cleaning out some of his stuff. She told both of us that we could take anything we were interested in, and something about the title “The Man Who Loved Mars” drew me in, and I snapped it up and took it back home with me.
> 
> And I’m so glad I gave into impulse because it is a good, but deeply, deeply flawed story of human who goes to Mars, becomes an unlikely leader of a dying race, starts a rebellion that he loses, spend two years in exile before sneaking back to the planet to guide some people on a treasure hunt (no spoilers, that's the first chapter).
> 
> I love it despite its flaws, and oh boy, there are many; there’s one woman in the whole novel, and her only characteristic is that she’s pretty. The main character is more or less fleshed out, but the other characters are cardboard cutouts. And the ending is literally a deus-ex-machina ending that will make you shake your head in shame.
> 
> I wouldn’t really recommend it, but Carter does have moments of exceptional writing that have stuck with me, and it has the most Jaime Lannister-esque main character outside of ASOIAF. So I took JB, and the best of a mediocre novel and made something new.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Notes: GRRM hasn't named what planet Westeros is on, and I could not even write the word Planetos without laughing, so I named it Arda. Also, the Jaime sections are told in reverse chronological order.

_It’s over_

Lieutenant Jaime Lannister, soldier, traitor, tried to send his mind away, somewhere pleasant, anywhere that wasn't here, but he gasped as a sharp pain in his chest brought him back to the present. 

His advocate had told him about the Valyrian fighters’ unconditional surrender earlier that morning. He could forget about it for whole minutes at a time, but when he remembered, it was a fresh wound that needed tending, but he was no doctor, only a soldier, an improbable leader who destroyed his own people and left them to the mercy of their conquerors.

He looked up from his bitter thoughts as the judge read him his sentence, but Jaime did not need to hear it, he knew it already.

_Exile_

He looked down at his hands as the judge outlined the terms of his sentence. He flexed his left, and he marveled at the sight; he tried to flex his right hand, and he could swear his fingers still moved for him even as his prosthesis stayed rigid. His trial had been delayed as he recovered from the surgery, and even weeks later, he still couldn’t believe a part of him was missing, gone forever, just like everything else he loved.

_They should have killed me_

Jaime did not doubt that had been the plan, but while his father has publicly denounced his ‘insurrection’ in a furious open letter across the wires, Jaime knew that the old bastard would not tolerate his eldest son’s execution for treason, and his name and his influence carried a lot of weight across two worlds, even with a traitor for a son. 

_I’ll keep my secrets, and their secrets, and I’ll keep my worthless life._

He felt the cool metal of the _jamad_ amulet against his skin, and his phantom limb twitched, aching to hold it, to feel the calming memories pour over him, but he kept his hands at his sides.

Jaime had told his interrogators that the amulet and the scar on his chest were part of an initiation ritual, nothing more, and somehow, they had believed him, they had let him keep this one last secret to himself. 

_If they had known, they would have killed me on Valyria._

But they didn’t know, and he was to live, yes, but he was tethered to Arda for the rest of his days. Even dead, his earthly remains were commanded to stay on the land of his birth, not the land of his home. 

“Lieutenant Lannister, do you understand?”

He looked at the judge, Stark was his name, and Jaime nodded, not flinching at the hostility in his judge’s eye.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

_Arthur looked at him but did not smile, placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed, and it almost hurt, but it felt good too. Jaime had shot down a plane of soldiers, his former brothers, and it hurt, it ached, even if it needed to be done. The others around them whooped and hollered, holding themselves in their joy, but Arthur knew, and he did not shrink from the tears in Jaime’s eyes._

“No,” he said. His advocate cleared his throat, and Jaime remembered the man’s pleading tones, begging him to behave himself.

“No your honor.” 

His advocate breathed out noticeably, and Jaime had to stifle the urge to laugh. The man had done his job, a job that literally no one else had wanted, and he was grateful, even if he hadn't been needed.

Judge Stark banged his gavel, and Jaime flinched as the room erupted into noise and flashes as he was escorted from the courtroom.

He had not had a chance to take his last look at Valyria, but he did look back to see Judge Stark glaring at him, and Jaime smiled at him, a bitter, almost manic grin, then let himself be ushered to the long, empty existence awaiting him.

***

**10 years later**

Hyle Hunt reached for her hand, but she pulled it away as they approached his table.

_Traitor_

Brienne shuddered as she remembered his trial, the pictures she had seen as a teen of the soldiers he had killed, soldiers just like her brother.

_Dead just like him_

She wanted to hit herself for the traitorous thought. Her brother was not dead, he was not gone, he was out there, waiting for her to find him.

“Lieutenant Lannister, may we join you?”

Lannister jumped at the request, but when he didn’t reply, Selwyn Tarth sat down, as did Brienne and Hyle.

“I’m Commander Selwyn Tarth, and this is my daughter, Brienne, and Hyle Hunt.”

Her father was a military man through and through, just like his father, just like his son, and Brienne scowled as he smiled at the man who had no business being alive and safe while her brother wasn’t.

She had told herself again and again that she needed to keep her face blank, they needed him, so she needed to control herself, but she couldn’t do it. She looked at her father, whose face was a steel mask, as he smiled at Lannister again, offering him his hand, even going so far as to offer his left, remembering the traitor’s injury.

Lannister shook his hand but looked away from them, which gave Brienne a second to look him over. She had watched as he left the courthouse on the day of his verdict, watched him smile and wave to the seething crowds around him, and yes, she had been young, but she had thought he was handsome with his curly hair, his deep green eyes, and his finely chiseled jaw. 

She looked away, because ten years later, with a slight trace of gray in his beard, and small lines around his eyes, he was even more beautiful, and looking at him, she wanted to rage and scream at the gods who would give this monster such a gift.

“No one calls me lieutenant anymore. Jaime is fine.” 

"Once a soldier, always a soldier," her father said, in that maddening tone she grew up with that she could never push back on.

Hyle whispered “Traitor” under his breath, and Brienne kicked him, ignoring his cry of pain. She hated the man, so did Hyle, but at least she had the sense to see they needed him.

Lannister smirked at Hyle as he rubbed his sore calf. “Glad that’s out of the way, but I don’t do interviews, so if you wouldn’t mind.”

He gestured to the plaza, and Brienne looked around for a second, watching the other tourists walking by. Storm’s End was beautiful this time of year, and they were close enough to the water that she could hear the violent waves crashing into the cliffs below them. 

She closed her eyes, letting the sounds smooth away some of the anger she housed in her body. She exhaled before opening her eyes, looking him in the eye before speaking.

“We’re here to offer you a job.”

And Lannister laughed.

The laugh echoed across the plaza, startling the pigeons in the square near them, and he kept laughing, like he was a starving man who had come upon on a feast.

“Thank you,” he said between gasps as he wiped tears from his eyes. “I needed that more than you will ever know. But still, I don’t give interviews, I don’t donate sperm, and I’m not interested in your biography of my life.”

He took a sip of his coffee, ignoring the disgusted look on Brienne’s face, and stood up, turning his back to them.

Hyle stood up with him, almost shaking with fury on her behalf. “I told you Selwyn, we don’t need this goddamned cat lover.”

“Hyle,” she spat at him, not even trying to hide the disgust in her eyes as she glared at him. She had seen pictures of Valyrians, and yes, she could see why they got the nickname of ‘cats’ but she reprimanded any person who used that offensive term in her presence. 

They were so different, with fur instead of hair on their heads, arms and chests, better to keep them warm during the constant chill of Valyria. And their eyes were wider, with larger pupils, to see better with less light.

They were tall too, the average height of men was just shy of seven feet, and for women it was six and a half feet, and they were all broad in the chest, to give them an extra help for breathing the thin atmosphere. And with all their size advantages, their bones were so light, almost frail. The few times Valyrians have been brought back to Arda, they died in simple accidents, their bones collapsing under Arda’s harsh gravity.

They were the way they were because that's what it took to survive on Valyria. She had tried to tell Hyle that, in one of those moods of his where he pretended to listen to her, but he just nodded and smiled instead. 

But he wasn’t smiling now.

Lannister whipped around, and without hesitating he brought his hand, his fake hand, across Hyle’s face, and Brienne winced at the sound of Hyle’s nose cracking. Blood gushed out of his face as Lannister punched Hyle in the stomach, causing the man to collapse at their feet. Brienne kneeled down to help him, but he waved her off with a soft “I’m fine.”

“This has been distracting, so I thank you again.” He bowed to her as she stood up, still smirking at her, and she reached out of him, catching hold of his fake hand.

“Valyria,” she whispered to him as his face blanched. “We’ll get you back.”

She watched as a terrifying wave of emotions crossed his face; dread, fear, rage, and finally hope. 

_He still dared to hope._ _  
_ _He’s still just a traitor._

She dropped his hand, and he blanked his face as he looked at her, at her father, even at Hyle, still sputtering on the ground.

“Start talking.”

***

“It won’t work,” Lannister said as Brienne closed the door to her father’s hotel room behind her. She rolled her eyes at his doomthinking; their plan was solid, it would work, and he would eventually say yes, so he was just wasting their time in arguing.

They were leaving in a few hours, with or without him, and he would come, she had no doubts.

But she sighed as she slumped on the floor next to Hyle as he pinched his nose, hoping to stop the blood gushing from his head.

She looked at him, still so surprised he was here at all. She’d known him since they were children, since he and his horrible friends had made a bet to see which of them could kiss her first. She had punched him when he told her, breaking a tooth that her father insisted on paying to repair. 

But that was years ago. He had apologized again and again, and occasionally, she saw him looking at her with something like affection on his face. And he was here, after her father had reached out and asked if he was interested in piloting them to Valyria, committing treason and trespassing in one trip, and he had said yes. 

But, she reminded herself, he had loved Galladon too. 

_Who wouldn’t._

“That bastard broke my nose,” Hyle spat at her. She could just barely make out his words, and she stifled a scowl as she moved his hands off his face to look over his wounds.

“Serves you right,” she told him as she tenderly examined his broken nose. It would be fine, and in a week or two, she could reset it and have it back to normal. “That is a vile thing you called him, and you deserved more than that for it.”

Hyle tried to scoff at her, but he ended up wincing instead. “You’re defending him? After this?”

“He’s a traitor, and we all know it, but on this point, yes. He doesn’t deserve that, and you shouldn’t have used that awful term anyway.”

“I’m touched.”

Her face reddened as she turned behind her and looked up at him. He was smirking at her, and at the man he’d injured.

“See you soon.”

He nodded at her as he walked past them and her father stepped in the doorway. He ushered them inside, and Brienne stopped to help Hyle up, but he waved her off as the bleeding had finally stopped.

“He’s going to do it,” her father said, his face beaming, his eyes practically dancing with joy. “I told him the station to meet us at and what to wear. Your actor friend is ready to go?”

Hyle nodded. “I’ll send him the final signal tonight, he’ll be there. He needs the money.”

Brienne cringed, but it couldn’t be helped. It had been ten years since Lannister’s rebellion had been quashed, but she knew he was still being watched. He would be watched for the rest of his life, even if the number of watchers had dwindled under a decade of good behavior.

So they would need a decoy, another person involved in this plot to bring her brother home. 

_We’re bringing you back Gal. We’re bringing you home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm albatrossisland on Tumblr, come by and say hello!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne and Jaime spend a little time getting to know each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will probably be updating once a week, to give my poor brain a chance to rest after this fic ate it. But good news, it's all written, so the updates should be fairly consistent.

Despite Lannister’s doubts, their plan had worked. They had met at a filling station, and Hyle’s friend Owen had walked inside, and Lannister had come out, two men both with identical clothes carrying a duffle bag with a scarf wrapped around their faces to ward off the chill in the night air.  
  
Owen had left in Lannister’s car, and he was all set to drive it to an inn up north where Lannister had checked in and leave it there. With any luck, no one would realize Lannister was missing until they were on Valyria.

Lannister had climbed into the ship ahead of her. He didn’t even look back, and she had shuddered at his casual goodbye to his birthplace. 

Her father had had no words for her. He had given them everything he thought they would need, but he couldn’t come with them. He had grabbed her shoulders, looked into her eyes, and let her go, let her risk everything for his son.

It will be worth it, she reminded herself. Galladon is worth it.

Brienne watched Lannister from the lounge; she’d had to buckle him in, and she expected him to shrug her off and insist that he could do it without a right hand, but he hadn’t. He simply looked away and let her strap him in the safety harness before take off. 

She wondered why these buckles were designed in such a way as to need two hands, couldn't they have thought of a way to accommodate someone like him, but of course they didn't. 

There would be no reason too, just like how there weren't restrooms for women in ships, because what woman would go to space? And since they don't have rooms for women, women can't go. It's all so simple, and so infuriating.

But the old anger leaked out of her as her hands gripped the armrests when they took off, the ship rattling and shaking beneath her. It was a good ship, her family had bought it refurbished from a seller last year, when they were all still together. The three of them had taken a day trip to the moon, and spent a day in zero gravity. 

Other than the flight, it had been a perfect day for all of them, one last adventure in the week before her brother shipped out to Valyria. 

“It’s going to be alright,” Lannister said to her, looking at her hands. Her knuckles were white, and her hands hurt from holding on too tightly, but she couldn’t let go. 

“Once we break through the atmosphere, the ship will calm down, and we won’t go through this again until we get to Valyria.”

She felt a surge of anger and annoyance pulse through her, she had flown before, curse the seven, she knew what to expect. But she nodded, grateful for even a moment of respite from the overwhelming fear that came out of her during take off.

“What do you do?” he asked, his tone almost bored. But there was nothing else to do but talk, and they would be stuck together for at least another 20 minutes. 

Hyle was flying, and he would be the one to tell the traffic monitors where they were going and why. Her family name didn’t carry the weight (or shame) of Lannister's, but they had an old lineage and, thanks to her father, a stellar reputation in the field of anthropology, and that came with a lot of perks. 

Getting waived through a checkpoint was just one of them, her father’s museum had taken care of that; getting a pass to study a Valyrian digsite was another. That was enough to get them to Valyrian airspace without any trouble, and once they were there they would carefully, and quietly, bring their ship to land in the Valyrian outskirts and find her brother before anyone would even know they were gone.

“I’m a doctor,” she said.

“Research?” he asked, and she shook her head.

“Medical.”

At least she had been. 

She flinched at the memory. She had asked for a meeting with Dr. Tarly, the chief at her hospital who hated her, who loved to punish her for being better than him. She needed to take a sabbatical, she had told him, her brother’s death had weakened her father and she needed time away to take care of him. 

The board had approved her request already, Tarly would eventually have to agree, but he shook his head, told her he couldn’t possibly spare her until next month at the earliest.

He had smiled as he said it, because he knew there was nothing she could do about it, she would have to wait for her sabbatical on his timetable.

So she quit. 

She smiled as she remembered his gobsmacked expression as she stood up and left his office. She checked on her patients one last time, gave a tearful hug to Sansa, her favorite nurse and her best friend. 

She felt an ache in her chest as the thought of leaving her behind, but her father had told her and Hyle to keep this as quiet as possible, and it was safer for everybody that way. Even knowing that Hyle's friend was a part of this, a man she didn't know or trust, gave her a queasy feeling that she couldn't shake.

Lannister nodded, looking at her again, like he was appraising her worth, and she scowled at him.

“I would have taken you for a soldier.” 

He said the words with no malice, but they cut her just the same. That had been her dream since she was a girl; she had the size for it, she had the strength, she passed every test they had thrown at her, she even managed to beat some records in her trials, and it still wasn’t enough for anyone to overlook her sex.

“A shame, you would have been a good one. But trust me, you’re better off healing, that life is a poison.”

_Trust you? Never._

“Of course you would say that,” she spat at him. “You betrayed every soldier, every citizen that came before you, every brave young man who put on a uniform.”

She glared at him, hoping her words would wound him, but all he did was shrug.

“I don't deny it,” he said, "but you have it wrong. That uniform soiled me, not the other way around.” 

He pulled forward on his restraint, like he was trying to charge her, but he fell back, remembering where they were, hearing again the ship’s final rattle as it broke through the atmosphere into wild space.

She felt the gravity simulation kick in, and yes, she felt lighter too, the panic receding as the ship calmed, the empty void outside providing them with some peace.

She unbuckled herself, stood up on her shaking legs, allowing herself a second to adjust. She closed her eyes and listened to the silence, letting it surround her.

He cleared his throat, and she jumped, she had forgotten about him. She quickly released him, and he looked at her one last time, like he was trying to read her, but ultimately decided it wasn't worth the effort and left her alone, retreating to his cabin, running away from her scorn.

*******

**Jaime**

_  
I should have known_

He’d been unsettled during the entire mission, but he could not pin down why until the trap had sprung open.

The raid hadn’t been easy, the dead Valyrians on their path through the post were a testament to that, but it had not been hard, which it should have been. This depot wasn’t just valuable to the Westeros army, it was the central hub for soldier deployments and mission coordination.

_I should have known_

He had positioned the bomb in the middle of the command center when he'd heard a bullet rip through the air, killing the man standing next to Arthur over the span of a heartbeat. 

Time slowed as he ran, dived into Arthur, trying to pull him down behind some flimsy cover, trying to keep him safe, but as they landed on the hard ground, he knew he was too late.

He felt the wound before he saw it, the sniper had hit Arthur right in his abdomen; in a human, the wound could go either way, life or death would depend solely on treatment, but Arthur was not human, and he was dying, the sniper having hit him in the heart.

He heard the other Valyrians around him fall, but he could not look away from Arthur’s eyes, the deep purple that was already clouding over, a sign that Jaime knew meant death was already here, already set on collecting him.

Arthur raised his hand to Jaime’s chest, clutched the amulet that lived above his breaking human heart, and pressed it into his skin.

“ _Jamad,_ ” he said, his beautiful deep voice reduced to a whisper.

Jaime clutched his hand, holding it to his chest as he felt him die. 

He did not hear the soldiers storm the compound, he didn’t see them break through the doors and windows, surrounding him. He saw them in the corner of his eyes as they tentatively approached him, but he could not tear his eyes from Arthur’s face; a minute ago, he had been alive, and now he was dead, his lively purple eyes were gone, now they were black forever.

He leaned forward, his hand outstretched to close Arthur's eyes, a final gift to the Valyrian he loved, and he watched as his hand exploded over Arthur’s face, covering the Valyrian’s empty eyes in the blood of the human he had loved.

He screamed, and the world was white, and he was surely dead now too.

_Rest, he thought before he passed out. At long last, rest._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, most times, I really love writing.
> 
> I was working on Jaime's scene, and I knew that he was going to lose his hand in that last battle, and also lose Arthur, but I hadn't worked out the details, I just started writing, and what do you know, the idea of him getting his hand shot off while trying to close Arthur's eyes just plopped into my brain like an affection starved kitty.
> 
> And Brienne's mini-rant about safely buckles was inspired by my phone; it used to have a setting where you could take screenshots one handed, but a software update changed that to needing two hands for a simple screenshot. It feels so needless and unnecessary, and also a casual cruelty to people who don't have two hands to work with it. Bad form.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Three: Fight! Fight! Fight!
> 
> Two fights, one bedtime encounter, no waiting.

Brienne watched the clip over and over, she watched it so many times that she had memorized Gal's gestures, and the way he squinted as the wind picked up, the slight tremor in his voice before he jumped back to try to dodge the explosion that took his life.

_ Allegedly _

It's what the military brass had told her father, what he had repeated to her. Gal had been in the barracks when some rebels had attacked, throwing a bomb into the room, killing all of them instantly.

But it was a lie. Admiral Goodwyn, an old friend of her dad’s, the man who convinced her it was worth a shot to try to be a soldier, had asked her to meet him for lunch, and as he hugged her goodbye, he slipped the drive into her pocket without a word. She had tried to contact him, to see if there was any more information he could give her, but his office would not return her calls. 

But it was enough for her, for Hyle and for her father. Galladon could be dead, yes, but this short video he never got to send had shown him alive two days after his death certificate had him dying. And he was close to this explosion, but not in the middle because she heard his voice yell out 'Sarge' before the clip ended.

Brienne had the clip analyzed and torn apart until she was absolutely satisfied that it was real, but it left her with so many questions she could not hope to answer.

_ Unless we could find him _

"Is that him?"

She jumped at the sound of his voice, and glared at Lannister as he approached the screen. Without even asking, he rewound  _ her _ vid,  _ her _ clip, the last words of  _ her _ brother.

She stared at him, still surprised to have him nearby, even more shocked to have him leaning over her.

"Handsome guy."

_ He was. Is. _

She remembered watching him when she was younger, how their dad's girlfriends, the nice ones at least, would tell her that she would grow into her looks, that she would blossom like her brother had. She had seen his photos from when he was young, and she couldn't blame them for thinking that his transformation would happen to her too.

But it didn't. She never grew into anything, except tall, that she could claim for sure. But her homely features stayed homely, and she wanted to hate Gal for all the breaks she never got, but it wouldn't happen. He was beautiful, and she wasn't, but he was her big brother, and he loved her best. She couldn't hate him, not even a little bit.

Lannister winced as he watched the explosion. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice soft. His eyes were even kind as she turned to him.

“What do you care, traitor.”

He flinched at her harsh tone, and took a step back from her, but he didn’t turn away.

“I don’t. But I’m not the one living in denial about her brother’s death,” he said, glaring at her through his bitter words.

She gasped, and she tried to stop her eyes from watering, but she couldn’t help it. She knew he was right, she knew that her brother was gone, and this quest to find him was not going to have a miracle at the end of it, but still. She would look at her father, see his eyes shining at just the thought of seeing his son again, and she couldn’t stop that sliver of hope from infecting her, taking hold of her brain until all other thoughts were pushed out.

“He’s dead,” Lannister said, practically spitting the hateful words at her. “The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be when we don’t find him.”

She stood up, her legs shaking but holding her up nonetheless. Her body was powerful and strong, and she wanted nothing more than to show him how very strong she was.

“Why are you here?” She whispered the words, using every ounce of self control she had to keep her voice level.

“Because no one in Storm’s End had the foresight to kill me.”

He stepped closer to her, his smirk back on his face. “But I’m on this ship because your father asked me to guide you two through my people’s territory to find the base where your brother may be, but is almost certainly not, alive.”

_ His people. Even after a decade, he is still theirs. _

“I swore to help you, but I have no delusions about what we’ll find there.”

He dipped his head to her, ending their conversion, and Brienne searched her brain for something, anything to hurl back at him, anything that would wound him like he did her, but as usual, it failed her, so instead she watched him walk away, the traitor who would help them find her brother. 

_ Alive. We’ll find him alive. _

She closed her eyes, letting the hope fill her. It could destroy her later, but for now, she clung to it.

***

The ship was moaning.

Brienne was not afraid of space, she told herself that over and over. She was afraid of ships, the thin pieces of metal separating her from the endless dark, the bolts that were hopefully still up to code, the filtration system that always, always failed in the first act of the films her brother loved.

She heard something like a sigh coming from the walls, and while she knew that ships sometimes just make noise, like any other machine, her heart was pounding in her chest as she watched the walls of her tiny cabin, just waiting for one of them to burst open and pull her out into the black.

She tried to breathe, she told herself she needed to, but the air wouldn't come. The more she tried, the more she failed, and she started to see spots, her vision was going white, until she saw the lights in her room turn on and felt a hand on her back, rubbing in circles. 

She latched onto the pattern, finding her rhythm again, breathing again after just a minute of panic, one of the longest minutes of her life.

She wiped her tears away; she could feel how hot her face was, and she was already feeling the shame kicking in. She looked up, expecting to see her Hyle, but no, his cabin was too far away, and she was at the end of the quarters. It could only be Lannister.

"You gonna make it?"

She nodded, but turned away from him, absurdly aware of him standing in front of her in his boxers as a sheen of sweat clung to his chest.

"You don't have to be embarrassed, I've seen it before."

She instinctively pulled her arms across her chest, remembering how thin her nightshirt was, how it had been Gal's, and he had given it to her more than a decade ago, and now she treasured it even as it was falling apart.

Lannister rolled his eyes at her. "Space sickness. Be careful, I saw an ensign crack two ribs from that on my first flight."

She raised her eyebrows at him, and he laughed. "Sure, he thought it was a good idea to try to run when he couldn't breathe and tripped over his feet, landing on a railing, but the point stands."

He wagged his stump at her, and he froze, pulling his arm to his chest, cradling his empty appendage. He had come to her room so quickly, he hadn't had time to put his prosthesis on, and it was the first time she'd seen him without it.

Brienne stood up, holding out her hand to him. "Can I see?"

It was rude, unspeakably rude, and even she saw the mild panic in his eyes before he let her see what was left of his arm.

She held her hands back, just looking at the scar tissue.

“It’s a clean wound.”

“Be sure to tell that to the soldier who shot it off, I’m sure he’ll be pleased with his work.”

She huffed at him. "I meant it's a good candidate for a robotic limb. Why didn't you get one?"

He shook his head. "Couldn't afford it."

She could not keep the surprise off her face, and he chuckled at her shock.

"When you commit treason, the family coffers have a tendency to dry up. My brother supports me as he can, and he offered to buy me one, but he's a politician, and if it got out, it would ruin him, and I've ruined enough."

He said the words without bitterness, almost lightly, but she saw the hardness in his face, the sharpness in his eyes, and she knew that wasn’t the whole truth.

"I've bothered you enough, but please remember to breathe, it's distressingly hard for me to sleep when you don't."

He turned off her light as he left, and she sat in her bed, not sleeping, not dreaming, just thinking about the man who helped her, the man who believes her brother is dead, and the man who betrayed everything she believed in, and how it shouldn't be possible for them to be the same person, but he is.

_ He is _

***

“Why was Lannister in your room last night?”

Brienne cannot help the blush that comes over her face at Hyle’s question. He narrowed his eyes at her as she turned away from him. 

She didn’t have to be embarrassed, they had done nothing wrong, but she remembered how he looked without his shirt on, and what she must have looked like in her nearly see-through nightshirt.

And Hyle was Hyle, he’d needle her about her panic attack as much as he could, because he would say that she was stronger than him, but he still liked to think of her as the girl he liked to tease and humiliate as a youngster.

So she said nothing.

“It’s not your business Hyle.”

She took a sip of her liquid stim, and she was certain her face was still bright red, but she took a certain delight in his confusion.

Hyle was practically sputtering with rage, and Brienne could not deny how much fun it was to mess with him, as if Jaime Lannister, the golden god of traitors, would come to her room for anything other than an emergency.

She was about to put an end to it, when Lannister walked in. Without a word of warning, Hyle walked up to the man and punched him in his stomach.

Lannister was so caught off guard that he lost his balance, falling backward onto the floor.

“You stay away from her.” Brienne had expected Hyle to scream at him, but his words were cold, measured, like a man who knew exactly what he was doing.

“Didn't anyone teach you it’s unsporting to hit a cripple?” 

Lannister shook his head, clutching his abdomen with his prosthesis as he awkwardly got back on his feet.

“And I’m sorry if she’s not interested in you Hyle,” he said, smirking at Hyle’s cold rage. “Guess she decided to aim higher.”

Hyle clenched his fist as Brienne watched, absolutely mortified. It had been a joke, a private joke to needle Hyle, a small bit of payback for the misery he’d caused her earlier in her life. 

And now Jaime Lannister had taken it way too far.

Hyle swung his fist again, this time toward Lannister’s head, but being better prepared, Lannister blocked Hyle’s clumsy attempt to sucker punch him.

“I’m going to let that first one go, because now we’re even, but if you come for me again, you better be prepared to live with the reputation of a man who got beaten down by a cripple. Twice.”

Lannister turned to look at her and winked before turning around and going back to his cabin. 

Hyle looked at her, but she had no words for him. She wanted to shake Lannister, and demand he tell her what the hell he was playing at; and she wanted to shake Hyle for instigating a fistfight in the middle of a fragile piece of machinery that could kill them all.

But mostly she wanted to get far away from both of them, which is what she did, retreating to her cabin, trying to squash out her thoughts of both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! (almost)
> 
> Still in the mood for festive fun? Check out slipsthrufingers' chill fest collection; there's lots of good fics in there, most of them on the shorter side. And if you're want something a little offbeat, you can check out my narrative playlist, A Love In Song.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/collections/JBFestiveFestivalExchange2020


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touchdown on Valyria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!
> 
> Hope everyone had a good holiday season, because we all very much deserved it. And on that note, I wanted to say thanks for the comments and kudos you all have been leaving, they are often the best part of the day. :)
> 
> And hey, if you want more sci-fi goodness from me, I posted the first chapter of an original fic, The Stoneheart Protocol. The update schedule for that is a little more up in the air, but at the rough draft is finished.

For four blessed-by-the-Seven days, she had been able to avoid Lannister. He wasn't there when she went to the lounge to eat or watch Galladon's vid for the hundredth time; her panic had largely vanished, so he hadn't needed to calm her down at night; and since she hadn't seen him, she didn't have to watch him and Hyle snipe at each other.

It was bliss. But it couldn't last.

Today, they were arriving on Valyria.

Valyria was a big planet, and Valyrians only lived on roughly twenty percent of it. In the wilds, where they were going, they could be there and gone without any of the soldiers knowing about their trespassing. 

Getting out would be trickier, but Brienne hoped that their rescue mission would be looked on with kindness. If nothing else, she mused, it would make a compelling story for the media.

She looked at Jaime, who was pretending to dooze in his harness, and she knew that he was the factor that would not be forgiven. They had aided a traitor, all of them, and they would have to face that when they returned home, with or without Galladon.

"I can hear you fretting doc."

She sighed. "My name is Brienne."

"She speaks," he said, his eyes openly mocking her. "I was afraid that you had forgotten how."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You purposely wind Hyle up, and you expect me to seek out your company?"

She felt the ship begin to drop, and her stomach tightened, but she wasn't afraid, she reminded herself. 

She looked at him, remembering the smug look, that knowing wink he had thrown at her, and she wouldn't hurt him, she would never hurt someone who couldn't defend himself, but by the seven, did she wish she could smack him until he left her alone.

"Let's be fair doc, you're the one who didn't tell him what really happened. I was only playing along."

He was smiling at her, a look of pure mischief in his eyes, and she felt her chest tighten, because he looked beautiful at that precise moment, and she wanted to tear off the part of herself that had given voice to such a dangerous thought.

"You enjoyed watching him sputter and flail as much as I did."

She pursed her lips, holding her words back, completely unwilling to grant him even that, even if she could admit to herself that it was true.

"He's not good enough for you," he said, his voice calm even as her heart started to pound. "I don't know you, or him for that matter, but you deserve better."

He winked at her, and she felt the ship drop again as the air tightened, signaling their breaking through the atmosphere.

The ship began to rattle, and her breath caught in her throat, how had she forgotten, this was so much worse than takeoff, this was dropping into the ground at speeds that will crush her body into pieces. 

"Doc!"

She swung her head toward him. "I bet Hyle's lousy in bed, but he's convinced he's a stud. You can tell me, I can keep a secret."

He leered at her, and maimed or not, she swore to herself he would pay for this. 

She glared at him, trying to force all of the rage out of her body through her eyes. The absolute nerve of this _traitor_ to suggest that _she_ would be sleeping with Hyle? 

_How dare he?_

She felt the jolt as their ship touched down in Valyrian soil. She had forgotten, in her fury, she had turned off her panic.

Lannister was looking at her, probably both expecting her to punch him or thank him, and he drew away from her, trying to prepare for either action.

But she did neither. She stood up, her legs were so wobbly from her fear and her rage that she was a bit unsteady on her feet as she walked to him and unbuckled him with a little more force than was necessary. 

The bastard only grinned at her.

***

Valyria was a mundane marvel.

Brienne looked around at the grey dirt at her feet, the whole world was grey, but somehow people had been living on this planet since before her ancestors had first left their caves to explore the greater world. 

Westeros had climates, the deserts in the south to the frozen wastelands of the north, and Valyria had dust and rock. How the Valyrians had done it, survived and thrived here for millenia, she would never know. 

But still, she was breathing the air of another world. Her shoes were carving impressions into the dirt of another world.

Had a human ever set foot here before her? Had human eyes looked up into the sky and seen the weak sunlight making shadows of the small mountains that surrounded them?

She closed her eyes and took it all in, the wonder, the terror, her longing for home and her need to find her brother. It was all there in that second.

Hyle stepped off the ship after her, and his first move on another world was to spit on it.

"I've been here for ten seconds and already I want to go home."

He smiled at her, trying to look rogish ( _trying to look like Lannister_ ), but Brienne glared at him. 

"Show some respect you ass."

She wanted to keep lecturing him until he apologized to Valyria itself, but Lannister came off the ship and her words died in her throat as she watched him.

He was unsteady on the stairs, the bannister was on the right, because of course it was on the right. He took the steps slowly, and she thought to help him, but she knew it wasn't necessary.

He tentatively stepped onto the ground and leaned down and scooped up a handful of the grey earth, letting it fall gently through his hand. 

"The dirt here is remarkable," he said, not looking at either of them, just watching the earth pool at his feet. "It looks dead, but it has fed and housed generation upon generation of Valyrians, and it's never failed them. They know all of its secrets, and you don't know any, and you would be wise to remember that."

He looked at Hyle, his green eyes dark and dangerous, and Hyle gulped under his gaze. Lannister stood up, almost jumped up, and his almost-boyish reaction broke the tension between them.

“Let’s head out, we have a Tarth to find.”

 _Alive_ , Brienne had to remind herself. 

_We will find him alive._

***

**Jaime**

Jaime woke up and he reached for Arthur, but his arm came up empty. He turned over to see Arthur’s shadow on the wall of the tent. 

He got up, trying to ignore the shivers, and followed him outside. 

Arthur smiled at him, and held his arm out, letting Jaime warm up against the fur on his broad chest.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t,” Jaime said. “It’s like I knew you were brooding, so I woke up to give you some company.”

Arthur laughed. “I’m not brooding, _Jamad,_ I was thinking about tomorrow.”

Jaime tried never to think about tomorrow. Today was what mattered, today was when the victories counted, tomorrow was for grief and weeping and doubt. 

“Tomorrow, if we win this spot of land back, we can win another and another, until finally Valyria will be free of the _f’yagh_. Will you return with them, as you said you would?”

Arthur looked down at him, his purple eyes dark and shining, his whole body tense as Jaime pulled away from him. 

Jaime felt the old pull of _home_ , but it had lost its potency long ago. 

He wanted to see Tyrion, yes, he missed his little brother, he wanted to show him Valyria, show him what this ancient world had to offer. 

He thought of his twin, his other half, but no, he could not forget the madness in her eyes when he said he was leaving for Valyria, the scars her nails had left on his arm after she’d forbidden it. 

His father had been no less dismissive of his wishes, but the scars he left were only on the inside. 

“No,” he said, his voice strong and sure. He would miss Westeros, miss his family, but he could live without them, and he wasn’t at all convinced he could live with them. “I’ll pass on the _jamad_ like I said I would, but no, I would ask to stay.”

“If you stay, our people will insist you keep it.” Arthur was smiling at him, that endless kindness still in his eyes, and he cupped Jaime’s face before kissing him softly.

“So be it,” Jaime said. He didn’t believe it, not really, the Valyrians would never accept him as their long-term leader, even a temporary leader had been hard for most of them to accept, but it would have to do for now because that was for tomorrow. Tonight Arthur was kissing him and that’s all that mattered in the world.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne, Jaime and Hyle head out in to the wilderness of Valyria.

Securing the ship took them less than an hour; the ship was small enough that it wouldn't show up on any scans, unless the pilot took a drone down to the surface, which Lannister assured them didn't happen. 

Unfortunately, there was no hiding it from people in the area, but there was no way around that. If a platoon came by, they would see the ship, but they were far away from any postings, and while that wasn't a guarantee, it would have to be good enough.

She and Hyle unloaded the skimmer, and worked on setting that up while Lannister consulted the map he had assured them was in his head.

He smiled at her, a small spark of excitement in his eye. "The topography is the same;" he said. "Everything should be in the same place, more or less."

He looked happy, the first time she'd seen him like that. There was no smirk, or leer, or knowing glance draped over his too-handsome face.

_It suits him_

She wanted to laugh at the absurd thought, but she stopped herself. She wouldn't want him to think she was laughing at him.

"I’m ready," she called out as she crawled into the back of the skimmer.

A skimmer was designed for short transports, and it looked like an overly large rowboat, but it was a highly versatile vehicle. 

There was enough space to two transport injured people, with room left over for the people treating them. And since they didn't need that, there was ample room for their gear, and for her to stretch her legs.

It was open air too, which let her take in more of the scenery as they raced by. 

She looked up, and the sky was blue. Not like the blue of Arda, but a pale blue that was almost grey, like the ocean on a clear day in Storm’s End. She felt a tug in her chest, and she gasped as the sudden need for _home_ overtook her.

_Why doesn’t anyone mention this? Why doesn’t anyone warn you that you can be homesick for the same sky you never think twice about?_

Her stomach rolled as Hyle turned the skimmer too quickly; he leaned into the turn, and she saw that his knuckles were white as he clutched the wheel, but he couldn’t hide the wide grin on his face as he pulled them out of it smoothly. He was probably trying to prove something to Lannister, she thought, showing off because he could as Lannister had to settle for playing navigator.

She shot a sympathetic look to Lannister’s back. She had read his file at her father's request, because they had to know if there was even a chance he would say yes. And he had been quite the athlete as a youth, and even in the military, he'd gathered an impressive list of awards for physical feats, from basic stuff like running to the archaic, like fencing. 

And now, well, he couldn't even buckle his own safety harness. 

Her chest tightened as she looked at her own hands. Could she still be a doctor with only one? What would happen to her if some soldier shot her hand off?

Pushing those dark musings aside, she thought of her father, and she wanted to understand him, but it just hurt instead. Galladon was his favorite, the one who followed their father’s path in life ( _was allowed to follow his path_ ), the one he was most proud of. He loved her too, she knew that, but she couldn't quite shake the feeling that if she had gone missing on another world, he would have mourned and moved on.

It wasn't fair, but it was what she felt. And he was putting all of them at risk for his feelings, so she was entitled to hers.

The skimmer came to an abrupt stop, and she felt her harness pull her back, keeping her in place, but she was sure she would have some bruises tomorrow.

"That's it for the skimmer," Hyle said, not able to keep the sour note from his voice. "We're walking from here."

Lannister of course just smirked at him as Hyle unbuckled him. "Feel free to continue on, I for one think it will be hilarious to watch you die for no good reason."

Hyle scowled again, but said nothing as he started unloading their packs. They were heavy, no way around it, but Valyria's gravity wasn't as high as Arda's, so it was a little easier to bear.

Lannister awkwardly secured his own pack, and while Brienne could not hide her surprise, she did chastise herself for the thought. He had lived with one hand for a decade, he would have found a way to get around, except when he just couldn’t.

She looked away from him, uncomfortable with the idea of being proud of him for that, for just living, for anything really.

_He is still a traitor_

“We’re going to be walking through the Dragon Canyon, so I need all of you to keep in line with me, and do not stray from the path.”

He looked at Hyle for the last part of his speech, and Hyle nodded, but she could see the rebellion in his eyes, the doubt hidden beneath his skin. He couldn’t help himself, she thought, but hopefully it wouldn’t get him hurt.

***

Lannister led them into the canyon, and Brienne walked behind him, while Hyle walked behind her, a small line of three bodies, walking through a canyon in dwindling light.

She looked at Lannister, and briefly thought about asking him why it was named Dragon Canyon, but she looked closer at the rock walls and had her answer; the walls were lined with what looked like sores, creating a pattern that looked like it would be found on the back of a massive mythical creature. 

Brienne tilted her head up, and she shuddered as she realized that she couldn’t see the canyon ledges above her, they were too tall, even for her. Combined with the strange marks on the walls, and the strong smell of sulphur, she found the name quite apt.

“I still don’t see why we couldn’t have taken the skimmer,” Hyle grumbled, not even bothering to keep his voice low as his complaints echoed off the stone structures around them. “The canyon is wide enough for the damn thing, and any competent pilot can fly a straight path.”

Brienne bristled at his tone, but she had to admit she agreed. Lannister had told them already that it would take a day's walk to get through this canyon, and then two more days on foot, if they hustled, to get to the closest Valyrian village. They were all looking at at least two, probably three-four uncomfortable days, and while it was more of her nature to just bear it, she couldn’t argue with Hyle’s logic.

Lannister shrugged and kept on walking. “We’re not going back for it, so might as well let it go.”

His face was hard and Brienne could see Hyle fuming, but he learned his lesson and kept his thoughts to himself on their walk. 

The meager light began to fade when Lannister signaled to a spot for them to set up camp for the night. He pointed to a little alcove in the wall that was a tight squeeze, but with the three of them, it would be quite cozy, and from what she'd read, that would be a blessing on this chilly world.

She was laying down her mat when she heard something like a hiss behind her. She turned in fright, ready to fight whatever was approaching them, when Lannister cleared his throat and pointed to the left, where she could see yellow smoke billowing from the wall.

“Watch this,” he said, and they did, as a plume of yellow gas burst out of the wall with shocking force. A skimmer hovered off the ground by a few inches, and that would have put them right in the line of the blast, pushing them into the rock, and harnesses or not, they would not have walked away from that crash.

She looked at him, her eyes wide and he nodded. “There’s no way to predict when they’ll go off. But on the ground, you can at least hear them and move out of the way.”

He climbed into the alcove, while she looked at Hyle, his face pale. 

When she climbed into the alcove a few minutes later, Lannister was already asleep, curled on his mat, his prosthesis next to him on the ground. 

_We have to trust him. We have no choice now._

***

Brienne woke up sweating, and it took her a solid minute to realize why.

The why was curled up next to her, his arm draped over her torso, pressing their bodies together.

It was nice.

She didn't ( _couldn't)_ think about Lannister that way, but she liked the way it felt to have someone hold her, even if it was _him_.

She sighed to herself, closing her eyes and pretending for one minute that she was in another life, back in Storm's End, waking up early as her husband held her close. He would wake up any minute, kissing her neck -

She felt a shiver as Lannister breathed softly into her ear, and goosebumps spread all across her arms. Gently, she lifted his arm off her, placing it at his side and she turned over to face him. 

His eyes were closed, and he was smiling.

"Good morning," he said with a light tone, mocking her no doubt. She scoffed at him and his smile got bigger.

His face fell as he opened his eyes. 

"Sorry," he said, and she knew he hadn't been teasing her. Somehow, she knew he really was sorry. "I get so cold at night, even before..."

He drifted off, lost in old memories, and she had the urge to hold him this time, to shelter him against her body. But that was absurd, she reminded herself. 

Instead she nodded and closed her eyes, trying to forget the feel of him.

***

**Jaime**

His team was in position, they only had to wait for sunrise to begin the raid on the munitions depot. Jaime remembered this port, it was his second stop on his tour.

He remembered the sergeant with the sour breath towering over him, practically spitting in his face as he insulted the green troops sent to him for molding. 

He shuddered as he recalled the sergeant’s grim smile as Jaime beat another record, this time for fastest time in the obstacle course. He shook his head as Jaime ran across the finish line, three full minutes before the next soldier behind him.

He also remembered his look of disappointment as he handed Jaime his first assignment, guard duty, a harsh assignment for someone like him, but a safe one, no doubt given to him to please his powerful father.

_Has he retired already? Will we kill him tomorrow?_

He tried to remember the man's name, but he shuddered instead, letting the thought go, it was easier that way. He tried to sleep; it was hours until sunrise, and they were ready, the only thing left to do was to kill time until they could strike.

And he couldn’t do it.

He shivered at the memories of the place, and he shivered as the ground froze beneath him. His thermal sleeping bag was supposed to keep him warm, but it had been made on Westeros, and even the cursed North got more warmth than this rock.

He sat up, holding his knees to his chest, trying to get some heat into his body. He looked over at Arthur, and cursed his second for having the good sense to be born Valyrian.

Arthur was stretched out on the ground, only a thin pad protecting him from the icy sand beneath him. The fur over his body kept him warm all the time, so warm he didn’t even need a blanket on most nights. Jaime had even known the man to wake up sweating from wearing a simple shirt to sleep.

He sent the man a dirty look before slipping back under his thoroughly inadequate covers, trying to sleep while shaking.

“Stop scowling _Jamad_ and get over here.”

Arthur practically growled the words at him, and Jaime did not hesitate as he grabbed his pad and hurled himself next to Arthur, letting the Valyrian’s body envelope him. 

“Get some sleep.”

Arthur whispered the words to him, and Jaime felt Arthur turn on his side, wrapping his soft, furry arm around his _jamad's_ frozen body. Jaime clung to it, clung to him, his safe harbor in the long, cold night.

Later, he would remember Arthur kissing him goodnight on the back of his head. He would remember how safe he felt at that moment, how he snuggled further into Arthur’s warm body afterward, how he never wanted to let him go.

But he let himself sleep first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bed sharing, finally. :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime shares a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: A brief description of rape. I did keep the details sparse, but it's there.

It had been a long, long day.

They were out of the canyon, finally they were out. They had had one close call with the fumes, where two next to them had gone off, but Brienne thought quickly and pulled the three of them to the ground and let the blast pass over their heads. She wasn't sure if the smell of sulphur would ever leave her nose, but at least leaving that canyon behind would be a start. 

There were no alcoves here, just grey dirt and grey buttes. As the sun faded, Jaime had pointed to one, and they had all nearly collapsed with relief at the break. But open land meant there was no chance of avoiding the cold in the open air, so all of them had to set up the tents in their packs. 

Brienne knew that the standard size tent she had brought would not nearly be big enough for her, and she decided to just prop the tent canvass up over her mat rather than build an enclosed structure. She would at least have the back of the tent next to the butte and that would hopefully help keep the chill out. The small heater she had wouldn’t do her a whole lot of good, but it would be something.

After she was done, she plopped down next to Hyle, who was sitting in front of his tent, holding a meal stick, just waiting for the rest of them to join him. They couldn’t build a fire, Lannister had told them that wood wasn't available on Valyria before they left Arda, but there was something comforting about sitting together while eating, even if they were just eating this.

Lannister was the last to join them; he had taken the same tactic as Brienne had, not bothering with a proper tent, just a structure that would keep some of the chill out.

He sat down across from her, and Brienne threw him her open meal pack before grabbing one of Hyle’s for herself. Hyle glared at her for a minute before sighing dramatically and taking an unnecessarily large bite of his stick. He didn’t choke, but Brienne suspected the tear in his eye was related, but she didn’t argue the point.

“So Lannister,” Hyle said, chewing his last bite slowly, getting all the flavor out of it before swallowing. “How’d you do it?”

She looked at Hyle, horror across her face, but he would not meet her eye, keeping them squarely on Lannister.

“What?” Lannister asked, his tone low and hard. Brienne had gone deathly still, her focus completely stuck on the two others.

“Turn traitor,” Hyle said. “Why did you kill your CO, turn on your fellow soldiers?”

Brienne finally turned to look at Lannister; she expected him to look pale or furious with rage, but he looked like he always looked, calm, almost serene in his smugness.

“You don’t have to answer that,” Brienne blurted out, trying to ease some of the tension. She should get up, go to her tent, try to get some sleep, but she couldn’t get her legs to listen to her. 

Lannister cast a withering look at Hyle, and yes, she saw a slight coloring in Hyle's face, but she also saw the hardness in his eyes. 

Hyle had been aching for this moment, he wasn’t backing down now.

But he didn’t have to.

“You're 20 years old,” Lannister said, his voice clear in the dead silence of this grey world. “You're 20, a man by all accounts and you’re desperate to prove yourself, to the old man who thinks so little of you, to the brother that worships you, to the sister that thinks of you as an extension of herself.

“But you don’t want the life your family is demanding, you want to make your own. And when you see the recruiting officer, you talk to him about what it’s like on Valyria, and what the soldiers do there. He tells you that yes, they’re helping to guard miners, because Valyrians have a surplus of uranium and they’re not even using it. And in exchange, we’re helping them to rebuild their crumbling cities, we’re making their lives easier and better.”

She gasped, softly, but yes, she’d gotten that speech too, from Galladon. Even now, she can see the excitement on his face at the idea of getting to make a difference for those poor souls a world away. 

She had heard the same thing herself when she’d tried to join. 

“And you believe it, every word, because you would never think that people like that would trick you. You’re happy to go, even if it hurts to say goodbye to the people you love, but you know it’s for a good cause. It’s a sacrifice, but it’s easy in the end. 

“You arrive on a foreign planet, and after some light training, you get your first assignment, guard duty, because it’s not a war, that’s what they keep telling you, but it feels like a war after a day of standing at a mine entrance as Valyrian citizens stand in front of you, screaming and wailing. You can see their bones protruding from their chests, because the mining runoff is poisoning the water underground, and they can’t grow food, and the entire village is dying, and you know it’s your fault, but you have your orders, and you manage not to shoot them, something many of your fellow soldiers don’t even try to avoid, even as you think to yourself that shooting them would be a kinder death.”

He looks away from them, and Brienne wants to scream at him to stop, because she can see herself there now, she can see Galladon, and to her horror, she can see Lannister, the naive young man he used to be, there as well. 

But Lannister didn’t stop.

“One day, you’re relaxing in the yard, just soaking up the daylight because you never imagined you would miss the harsh sunlight of Lannisport, and you see a Valyrian girl surrounded by two of your superiors, and she’s young, far too young to be there. They take her to your CO, the captain with the cruel eyes that you try to stay away from. He looks her in the eye, she's not at her full height yet, and he tells her if she doesn’t scream he’ll let her live. And he pulls her hair and drags her behind a small stone structure that was man made, and you now know why it’s there. You can hear her crying, and you try to get to them, but the officers stop you, your fellow soldiers have to hold you back, and they tell you she’ll be dead soon anyway, and that no good would come of fighting for her.”

Brienne starts to shake, and Hyle puts his arm around her, and for once, she lets him.

“Your CO shoots her as soon as he’s done, and he sees you pinned on the ground and orders you to dig a grave for her, and she’s dead and out of pain, but you feel yourself dying as you shovel the dirt over her fragile body. And you die a little more when you report the assault and the murder to his CO, and the man pats you on the back, telling you not to worry, the girl isn’t even human, it doesn’t count.”

Brienne watches as a single tear runs down his face. She wants to break free of Hyle’s embrace and just start running, but she still can’t move. Neither of them can move, his words have frozen them in place.

“After a brutal shootout at the mine, the leader of the nearby village comes to your post, asking for recompense, asking for something to help his village because they are still dying, they are all dying, and he asks for talks to try to reach a compromise with the offworlders who are destroying his home. But he gets no talks; your fellow soldiers kill his guards without hesitating, and take him captive, and your CO picks you to stand outside the door and listen as he and his second torture the old Valyrian. They pour acid on his skin, demanding he tell them where more mines are, but they don’t care that he doesn’t know, they just want to watch him suffer. They break his legs, crack his skull, but it’s still not enough for them.

“And you hear it, he starts to weep, he’s broken, and you open the door, and without even thinking about it, you shoot the commander first, because you know he’s the better shot. You’re CO doesn’t have time to draw his weapon before he’s dead on the ground too. You pick up the Valyrian, and he nearly screams as you get closer, but you promise him you’ll get him out of here, and he sees the bodies on the floor, and he believes you. You lock the door behind you, and you carry him over your shoulder, and you walk out with him, and you load him into a skimmer without anyone knowing what you’ve done.”

A pained look came over his face, and he held his chest for a moment, closing his eyes as the memory washes over him. 

“But you were too late, he dies anyway, but not before making you swear that you’ll do what you can for his people, because he knows that you are 22 years old, but that you’ve seen too much to stay asleep.”

He stood up, and she saw both the man he used to be, that boy who was broken all those years ago, and the man he was now, the man who would do anything for his adopted home world.

“That’s how.”

***

Brienne could hear him shivering; his mat was shaking the dirt beneath him, and she could hear every grain of dirt as it rubbed against the vinyl, but that wasn’t what was keeping her awake.

She tried to get to sleep, she’d been trying for a long time, but she could hear his words in her head, piercing through her defences as she laid there, trying to escape them.

Her brother was here somewhere, was he just like Lannister, would her older brother have died trying to save someone defenseless? Or would he now be like Lannister’s fellow soldiers, the ones who looked away, because it wasn’t going to make any difference?

Who would he be when they found him?

She heard him sigh, and finally she had had enough. She crawled out of her enclosure, taking her thermal blanket with her, and walked over to his tent as quietly as she could.

He was facing the wall, and the heater was at full blast, but still he shivered, still he couldn’t sleep.

“Scoot over,” she whispered, and she expected him to mock her, but he didn’t say anything as he pushed himself toward the stone wall.

His mat was big enough for the both of him as long as they laid on their sides, and she did, hesitantly placing her arm around him. He pulled her closer, holding on to her arm, holding on tight, until he finally drifted off.

***

She woke up as he stroked her arm, then unexpectedly clutched her forearm too tightly. 

Brienne gasped at the sudden pain, but he let go immediately.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice quiet. “I thought you were someone else.”

She could barely hear him, but it was enough to hear the regret in his voice, and she felt a flare of anger rise up in her.

“Sorry to disappoint you.” Her voice was too hard for this early in the morning, but she didn’t have the energy to act nice. “I’ll go then.” 

She stood up, as much as she could, pulling her blanket off him, when he grabbed the other end.

“Wait,” he said. His hair was completely wild, none of them had bathed for days, and somehow he still woke up looking more handsome than anyone she had ever seen. She silently chastised herself for the thought, she should be angry at him, not noticing all that.

“Thank you.”

He let go of her blanket and held out his hand to her, trying to make peace, and it was too early to fight anymore, she took it and shook.

She didn’t say anymore as she left his tent. Hyle scowled at her as she did, and she couldn’t help herself, she smirked at his incredulous face. Lannister had been right, it was a lot of fun to mess with him, especially when he should have known better.

What would Lannister ever see in her?

***

**Jaime**

_Jaime saw her, and he tried to run, but his feet were glued to the floor._

_She was crying, her large dark eyes were pouring tears down her face, and she moved toward him, and he was terrified, so scared of this Valyrian girl._

_She reached out her hand to grab his arm --_

" _Jamad,_ wake up, you're dreaming."

Jaime's heart was pounding, and he could feel the sweat on his back as he looked up into the Valyrian's concerned eyes. His eyes were purple, it wasn't the first time he had noticed them, but it was the first time this guard had been close enough for him to see the yellow flecks in his iris. The guard was fierce looking too, with rippling muscles all across his body, and that dark brown fur coating every part of his abdomen.

They had brought him here, to this house they called a palace. Jaime had grown up in a castle, and this place, with one story and four rooms, wasn’t even close, but he didn’t say it to them. It was the nicest house in the entire village, and the family that had been living here gave it up for him; it was a palace, fit for a Valyrian king. Or _jamad._

He had eaten here earlier in the evening, a somber meal as the village mourned their dead _jamad,_ and for once in his life, Jaime was silent. He had had no idea what to say or do, what was appropriate for a funereal meal, for a Valyrian or a human, so he kept his thoughts to himself through the surprised or hostile glances the party threw his way.

The guard gently squeezed his shoulder, and Jaime felt the desire to tell him everything, about the dream, the girl, everything he had seen, but no, he shook himself free of that. He was _Jamad_ , and by their customs, the Valyrians would respect him, they would obey him, but he wasn't convinced they would forgive him.

"Do you dream?" Jaime asked him as he sat up and gestured for him to sit. He scowled as the guard sat on the floor, but it was how they all treated him, putting him above themselves. They were his people now, he was their leader, and he knew so little about them. His memories helped with the language when necessary, but the people themselves were still a mystery.

"Of course," the guard said, like how an adult would answer an annoying child. "We dream, good and bad, we laugh, we mock, we steal, we murder."

He may have been looking up at him, but Jaime was the one who felt small. 

"You murder?" His eyes were so kind, so strong, it was hard to process.

"I am a soldier, I kill at the will of my leaders."

_At my will now_

"It is the lot of all soldiers, is it not? Are we to blame them for following the orders of the ones in charge of their lives?"

_He hears Selmy's bones crack, he hears him scream, he can't shut it out, but he keeps screaming …_

"Yes," Jaime whispers. "We should. They are men first …"

His voice trailed off as the guard stood and bowed to him.

"You are wise _Jamad._ "

_I'm not, I just know what cowardice tastes like._

"We are yours to command, and I hope you will keep your wisdom when you do."

Jaime nodded, what else could he do?

"What is your name?"

He looked at Jaime, at his _jamad_ , a title Jaime was beginning to loathe.

"Arthur,” he said and his smile lit up his eyes. “May Valyria protect you.” He bowed before leaving the room, leaving Jaime alone with only his thoughts for company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't add a warning tag to the story, but let me know if you feel it needs one.
> 
> It was something I went back and forth on, and I ultimately settled on using the content warning before the chapter (because the rape description is a minor part of the story), but I was on the fence about it, so I'm willing to change that because I don't want anyone to be negatively surprised.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our trio meets a Valyrian welcome party.

They had been walking for an hour when they saw them, a line of Valyrian warriors standing still in front of them. 

They were standing in a line, their mounts (Galladon had told her about them, called slidars, giant reptiles with six legs that the Valyrians had tamed centuries ago) at their sides, a line of warriors with weapons pointed at all of them.

She saw Hyle’s hand inch slowly toward the blaster at his side, but Brienne quickly grabbed his hand, holding it tightly.

She shook her head at him, and he winced, but he had the good sense to nod back. She may not care for Hyle, but she did not want to see him die in front of her, which could be the only result if he fired first, or even accidentally.

Lannister stepped forward from their group before turning back to them. 

“Stay still, and no weapons,” he said. “I’m going to talk to them, and you have to stay calm, no matter what happens.”

She gulped, but she nodded. She watched him hold his hands up as he approached the warriors, and she let a tiny prayer slip out, hoping the Seven could hear her all the way on another world. She prayed for his safety, because without him, Gal was lost for sure. And she could be honest, she didn’t want Lannister to die in front of her either.

He stopped walking as one of the Valyrians pointed his weapon at Lannister, and she felt Hyle try to free his hand from her grip, but she wouldn’t let him.

“No weapons,” she whispered, and he nearly growled at her, but his hand settled at her side again. 

The Valyrian took a step back, then another, until he was back in line, and one by one, every one of them knelt before Lannister. 

He turned back to them with a weary look on his face, but gestured at them to join him. As they stepped forward, Brienne heard one word over and over that she didn’t recognize, one Valyrian word she had never heard before.

_Jamad_

She looked at Lannister as he quickly buttoned his shirt, and she remembered holding him while he slept and feeling a hard piece of metal brush her hand. 

Even Hyle had no words for what happened, finally dropping her hand and openly staring at the Valyrians on their knees.

“These warriors have kindly invited us back to their village, and from there we should be able to start a proper search for your brother.”

He nodded at her, and her smile faltered but he nodded as well.

“Two of the warriors have kindly volunteered their slidars for us, so we won’t have to walk, and with luck, we should be able to reach their village before nightfall.”

She laughed at the distaste on Hyle’s face, and Hyle managed to laugh at himself too. “I’ve never been a fan of horses.”

She laughed harder, so hard she was nearly crying as the rest stared at her. She couldn’t even tell them what was so funny, she didn’t even know, just the idea of these giant lizards as horses galloping through the dust kept making her laugh, and she couldn’t stop herself until she felt Lannister’s cold hand on the back of her neck.

Hyle’s look was withering, but Lannister’s was merely playful. She felt a twinge of guilt, she hadn’t meant anything by it, just the image was too much for her.

“I don’t know what came over me.”

Hyle sulked a bit, but he turned away from her to watch the slidars approach.

“Valyria does have that effect,” Lannister said as he raised his arm to pet one of the beasts brought to them.

There were no saddles, but she ran her hand over the nearest slidar, and she felt the roughness of its skin, and yes, she could grip that with her legs just fine. There were reins, but Lannister told them to be gentle with them, the beasts knew where to go and to only use the reins in an emergency.

She climbed onto her slidar, and she’d been worried her feet would drag on the ground, but no, the beasts had been trained to crouch for their riders; while it was fully upright her feet were well off the ground.

But what she had not expected was Lannister to climb on behind her, already wrapping his arms around her waist before she could get used to the idea of him being so close.

She could hear Hyle’s scowl from where she sat, but it took some maneuvering to look at her passenger.

“What are you doing?” 

He held up his prosthesis. “Slidars are two handed beasts, and I happen to be permanently unequipped.”

She rolled her eyes at the glee on his face. “There are other slidars.” She glanced at Hyle, and as she suspected, he had plenty of room for another passenger.

He chuckled softly. “Your friend will probably just as soon push me off as let me fall, so that leaves you doc.”

She scowled, and he laughed again, but she knew he was right. For better or worse, she was the best choice; the Valyrians, with their height and bulging muscles, needed all the beasts to themselves.

She turned forward, holding onto the reins and gripping the sides for dear life as he clung to her, resting his head on her shoulder.

"That can't be comfortable," she said with a hint of annoyance in her voice. She liked the way he felt resting against her, and she blushed as the thought hit her, but he didn't need to know that.

"You should try it sometime, you would be surprised. Once Art-," he stopped himself, clearing his throat. "I once met a gargantuan slidar that could easily fit you and a Valyrian driver, and I'm sure we could find another one, all you have to do is ask."

She thought he meant that to be a light-hearted tale, but he couldn't disguise the weight in his words or the heaviness of his tone.

She pointed to a stone outcropping off to their left, trying to distract him from his dark mood. "What's up there?"

"Rocks."

She sighed and let her eyes follow the path of the slidars. They were on a road, more or less, a path that had seen many feet walk it, and she gasped at the idea of there being Valyrian roads. She chided herself for her parochial thinking, of course they would have roads, schools, farms, all those things that a society needs to function.

She wanted to ask Lannister what they were like, but it was a foolish question so she kept it to herself. She would find out for herself soon enough.

"I can hear you thinking doc," he teased her, and she even smiled, but a small one.

"Tell me, when you're not helping traitors sneak onto planets, what do you do for fun?"

She bristled at his question, but she couldn't figure out why. Here he was, clinging to her, like he had in the alcove, it was a convenience, she could accept that, but she didn't want him getting closer, she wanted him far, far away.

"I like dancing," she said, shocked at herself for blurting it out.

It was something she did for herself, something she kept to herself, because it was the one place where she could be herself.

It was a small dance class that met once a week for two hours, and more often than not, she had to dance the male parts, but she didn't mind. Her partners didn't either, grateful to be with someone who wouldn't try to cop a feel when their instructor wasn't looking. Syrio didn't tolerate that kind of behavior, but it was a story she'd heard far too often.

She felt light and graceful there in a way she never felt anywhere else. And for some reason she couldn't fathom, she decided to share this with _him._

He chuckled to himself, but nuzzled the back of her neck as he did. "You are full of surprises." She was sure her cheeks were bright red, and she’d never been more glad to not be able to see herself.

The slidar beneath them turned a sharp left, and Brienne heard a sharp hiss from behind her, Hyle no doubt, but fortunately no one was thrown. She caught Hyle's eye as she looked back, and he tried to grin at her, but it came off as more of a grimace. He massaged his shoulder, but that seemed to be the extent of his discomfort.

"What do you see in that guy?"

The question was soft, possibly not even directed at her, but she felt the fury in her leap to the surface.

"He's a pilot, he's my brother's best friend, and he agreed to commit treason to help us."

He stiffened behind her, the arms he had wrapped her went rigid.

"I didn't realize you cared so much for Captain Bland."

"I don't," she said, her voice hard and cold, so unlike her. "But I don't appreciate the two of you acting like you're wooing me just to one-up each other."

She could not disguise the bitterness in her voice, and really, she didn't want to. She'd known from a very young age that regardless of what she wanted in life, romance was not in her future. It had been a terrifying revelation for a nine year old, but it had held true. She'd known men, she'd even kissed a woman before realizing she wasn't interested, but any hint of romance was always fleeting.

She felt the tears spring up in her eyes, but she pulled them back. His hand stroked her waist, as he cleared his throat.

"That's not -"

But whatever it was was suddenly irrelevant as their slidar halted, slamming Lannister into her as she struggled to stay astride the beast.

Her legs held as the slidar dipped low, crouching down slightly on its front feet. She gripped the reins, even thought about trying to pull on them in an attempt to get her mount under control, but she heard Lannister in her ear.

“Don’t,” he whispered. “Look.”

She felt his head point upward, and she looked and saw a snarling beast looking down at them.

_Sabercat_

The word popped into her head as she heard Galladon describing an encounter with one; it was massive, with golden eyes and light grey fur, a perfect camouflage to attack unsuspecting travelers. 

“It doesn’t want to hurt us,” Lannister whispered, “but we’re in its territory. If we’re calm -”

Brienne heard the shot before she saw the cat dodge it, before it sprung itself down to them.

She felt herself fall as Lannister clutched her waist and pulled her down with him. She landed with an oomph as he spread himself over her, shielding her as the beast landed on his back.

He screamed as the cat jumped off him, and she heard more blaster fire, but she couldn’t focus on anything else but the anguished look on his face. She held his face in her hands, trying to get him to focus on her, trying to keep him from moving, movement meant blood loss, and she had no way to replace that.

“Stay with me,” she said, “stay right here.”

He tried to nod, but it was too much for him, and he passed out with one final grimace. She felt his heartbeat to be sure, but yes, he was still alive.

She wanted to cry with relief, but there wasn’t time, she had work to do.

***

He woke up as she started to apply the salve to the claw marks on his back. She heard him wince, and he tried to get up, but she gently guided him back down on the cot.

“What happened?” 

“What do you remember?”

He took a second, letting his brain piece the afternoon back together. “The cat.”

“It’s dead,” she said simply, and he shook his head.

“Who fired at it?”

She grimaced, but he couldn’t see it. “Who do you think?”

Hyle was shaking when she called him over to help move Lannister off her, and he and three of the Valyrians managed to gently move him. 

It turned out they were close to the village, so a few of the Valyrians grabbed some slidars and ran to get a tent and a cot for Lannister to recover in.

“Remind me to deal with him when I’m healed.”

“Don’t bother, your Valyrian friends took care of it.” 

She hadn’t heard them, she had had to coordinate Lannister’s recovery, but she’d seen two angry Valyrians looming over him, gesticulating and pointing and Hyle looking pale, but he nodded along. Say what you will about him, but he knew when to be quiet.

He grimaced as she applied another round of the salve. It was amazing stuff, his skin would be back to normal in the morning, and he would probably not have any scars since she got to him so fast, but that didn’t stop the aching sting of its healing.

“You couldn’t have given me a sedative?”

“Sorry, but it prevents the healing.” She was sorry, she realized, she didn’t want him to be in pain, and he had to be, and she deeply wished there was another way. 

But there wasn’t.

After applying the last coat, she walked to the foot of his cot and offered him her hand. He took it, squeezing out all of the discomfort into her.

“Thank you,” she whispered. He squeezed as another round of pain hit him, so she wasn’t sure if he heard her, but she liked to think he did.

***

It had been an uncomfortable night for both of them, but she had been right, he had recovered fully, the skin on his back was now a soft pink, tender but healed.

He had asked if she would stay with him, and she had, even as she drifted off and he spent the night shivering on the cot. He had paled when she told him he couldn’t sleep next to her or with a blanket, but he nodded, and she slept on the ground next to his cot, checking on him when she would shoot awake, remembering that he needed her. The Valyrian tent kept a lot of the cold out, but it still wasn’t warm enough. She wondered if he had gotten any sleep at all.

As they got up and left the tent, Hyle was the first one they saw, and with his pale face and dark patches under his eyes, he looked like he had had a rough night too.

“Lannister,” he said, his voice halting as he swallowed. “Sorry.”

He held out his hand, making a point to hold out his left, and Lannister hesitated for a minute before taking it. 

“Sabers aren’t aggressive -”

“Unless provoked, the Valyrians told me. Repeatedly.”

Lannister laughed, clapping Hyle on the back, and Hyle bristled a bit, before laughing a bit himself.

"Did they insist that you eat the cat?" Lannister asked, and Hyle gulped before nodding.

"It's a bitter meat, but you'll never forget it."

Lannister's eyes went steely on his last words, and Hyle suddenly remembered that the man who was talking to him, who clapped him on the back, was a traitor. Brienne remembered it too, and it hurt to realize how much she'd come to regard him, but only when she could forget.

Hyle narrowed his eyes but left them without another word. Lannister turned to her, and she had to look away, had to get away from him, so she followed Hyle, leaving Lannister behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The character Hyle is based on in the novel is a real POS. He's racist, a thug, a bully, and a just generally unpleasant character who I wished would die repeatedly. Now, I'm not a Hyle *fan* by any means, but he's not that. He's just a medium person who pals around with both good and bad people. 
> 
> And I like the idea that he changes on this trip too, seeing Jaime in a new light the more they travel together. Not the same way Brienne does, but in his own way. I-don't-want-to-see-you-mauled is a low bar, but Hyle nailed it. ;)
> 
> Someone posted on Tumblr that we all write Jaime as if he's an overgrown house cat, and well, yeah. We do.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne spends some time alone with Jaime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a surprise inspiration over the week, so this chapter has a Jaime flashback at the beginning and the end (curse you muse!). 
> 
> And as a reminder, the Jaime flashback are in backwards order.

**Jaime**

He had surrendered.

He had driven the skimmer as far as he could before he had abandoned it, throwing Barristan’s body over his shoulder as he slowly trekked toward the man’s village.

They had found him, two Valyrian women. He saw flashes of them smiling at Barristan, happy, truly happy to see their  _ jamad _ , but they loomed over him, scowling at him, their menace clear on their furry faces, but they didn’t kill him, a courtesy that would not have been extended to them had the situation been reversed.

One of them had gently taken Barristan from him, cradling him in her arms, not even trying to hide her tears as she held her  _ jamad’s  _ body to her chest. 

He had wanted to comfort her, to offer her some kind words, but he had none for her. He was her  _ jamad _ now, and it was a bitter pill for both of them, so he said nothing, keeping the secret for as long as he was able, as they marched on and on through the streets of the old village, and Jaime had to fight the urge to stop and just look at the history that surrounded them. He had to let them lead him past it, and it hurt so much to both know what this city had been, and to see it now, almost dead.

He stood before a Valyrian with grey fur on his face and deep blue eyes, Gerold was his name, he was a compatriot of Barristan’s, his second, and Jaime flinched as Barristan’s memories washed over him, the two of them laughing and fighting and drinking together. 

He was flanked by two guards, Oswell and Lewyn, their names popped into his head, although the memories were more formal with them. There were more soldiers standing to his left and right, all in a row, but Jaime kept his eyes on their leader as the Valyrians drew their spears and pointed them at his chest.

“Are you a thief as well as a murderer?” His voice was hard, but his tone was even. Gerold was not a cruel man, Jaime knew that just as he knew his name. Gerold would listen first, then decide what needed to be done with him.

Still, Jaime bristled at the question, and he felt his old anger rising up in him, but no, that wasn’t all there was to him, not anymore.

“I am no thief,” he said, his voice clear and steady as he slowly raised his hands to his chest and opened his shirt.

The amulet hung around his neck, nestled into the indent burned into his skin. He heard the Valyrian’s gasp, and his eyes were full of doubt as he met Jaime’s gaze.

“ _ Jamad?” _ He didn’t want to believe it, even as his head bowed to Jaime, and the Valyrians around him did the same.

Jaime looked up, hoping for an answer, hoping for someone to take this from him. He didn’t want it, he couldn’t do anything for them. He looked at the weak sunlight floating into the room, maybe someone up there would hear his plea, but his head started to pound inside his skull. 

He looked at Gerold, and he had a look on his face that Jaime knew well, it was the same look his father reserved for him, disappointment mingled with disgust.

He could hear his father’s voice in his head, telling his seven-year-old son that he wasn’t worth teaching because he was so stupid it wasn’t worth the effort, and Jaime held his head, trying to drown out the words, but they just kept echoing through his skull. 

He coughed, and the world went white, and he could feel his body shutting down as he stumbled forward, holding out both hands to stop himself from hitting the ground head first.

Instead, he felt strong arms wrap around his chest, holding him up. He closed his eyes as the throbbing in his head intensified, and he felt himself being lifted off the ground, and all he could do was cling to the man carrying him. 

"Rest,  _ jamad, _ " he whispered, and Jaime opened his eyes once, and he saw purple eyes shining down at him, the last sight before he collapsed into his dreams. 

***

The ride back to the village was uneventful compared to every other day on this strange world. Lannister climbed onto her mount, clutching her waist again, but he didn’t say anything, and neither did she. 

Instead, since they were at the point where the slidar was doing all of the work of walking in a straight line, she looked, really looked, at the Valyrians around them. 

She assumed they were an advance guard, or a scouting party, since there were about 30 of them, but that couldn’t have been totally right, because she saw children running around the adults, children with little to no fur on their bodies, laughing and playing as the warriors smiled at them.

The warriors, every one of them, was taller than her. And the women, they were everywhere, carrying the same spears and blow darts that the men carried. They weren’t coddled or told no to their dreams, they could be soldiers too. 

Her heart ached as she remembered that old dream, but she let it pass. She was a fine doctor, she could even be a great doctor, and a soldier wouldn’t have known how to heal Lannister. A soldier might have left him with multiple scars on his back, scars that would be open to infection. A soldier might have killed him from ignorance.

She had helped thousands of patients, healed impossible wounds, and who knows, she thought to herself, maybe if she had been there, Lannister would still have a right hand, but still, she could see herself in another life, on a battlefield, wearing armor and protecting the ones she cared for from vicious foes.

But that was not this life, she told herself, and remembering Lannister’s story, maybe he had been right, maybe it had been better that  _ that _ hadn’t happened to her.

“Doc, look.” He pointed to the left, and she gasped as she saw the gates of their destination close by, getting ever nearer.

As they approached, she realized something that had been nagging her; the Valyrians said they lived in villages, even Lannister repeated that, but it wasn't true. These people lived in the ruins of an ancient city.

She goggled at the spires above her as they crossed under the gate, and she saw a city that would rival the size and depth of King's Landing a whole world away. Just from her slidar she saw houses, streets, a city square, all abandoned now, but the bones of the city still stood, even after the people were long dead.

"This was the capital city before the doom," Lannister whispered to her. "Six million Valyrians lived here at its peak, four thousand years ago."

She wanted to keep looking, she wanted to jump off her slidar and go exploring, but the beast veered right, following its path home, and she reluctantly turned her eyes away from the past toward the present.

"What's the doom?" she whispered, this was a place that demanded whispers.

"A plague. It killed most of the planet 400 years ago, and they never recovered their numbers. They were in survival mode for so long they lost most of their advances. They are making progress but …"

She knew what he was thinking, he didn't have to finish it. She knew the truth now.

***

As they made their way toward the village proper, Brienne started to see people lined up along the road. As they got closer, she estimated that nearly everybody who lived here who could move must have come out to see them. 

Women, children, men, all of them had come out to watch the humans who had come to visit. Most of them were smiling, and she waved a little bit from her slidar, but not a lot because she didn’t feel safe letting go of the reins so much.

They were cheering too, that word over and over,  _ Jamad! Jamad!, _ like they had been starved of speech and now couldn’t help talking over and over. 

As she watched them, she noted how happy most of them seemed, but not all, she thought with a shudder. Occasionally, she would see a face in the crowd, sometimes a woman, sometimes a child, and there was nothing but loathing. The hatred ran deep in those eyes as their slidar walked by, and as if he could feel her unease, Lannister held her tighter.

She didn’t look away, she couldn’t look away, and as she looked, she saw the same scar on their faces, a red slash across their cheeks that their fur couldn’t quite cover. The wounds were too precise, the scars too uniform to be accidental.

“You see them, don’t you doc?” Jaime asked, and she nodded. “It was a practice to mark insurgents for minor offenses, and it was death for the second offense. It’s been outlawed now.” 

She did not see the dark look on his face, but she knew it was there, just as she could see the fresh wounds on the faces around her, wounds that couldn’t heal properly, wounds that would leave an unnecessary scar on their faces forever. 

He held her tighter, so much she gasped, but she appreciated the warmth at that moment more than she minded his strength. 

But finally, after what felt like hours along the village road, their slidar stopped, and a Valyrian wearing a grey robe came out to greet them.

“ _ Jamad, _ ” he said, and bowed once they had dismounted. Lannister nodded his head to the man, but did not smile. “We are pleased you have returned to us.”

The crowd cheered again at his words, and Brienne jumped as they began shouting  _ jamad _ again and again. 

“It has been a long time,” Lannister said, and Brienne could hear the regret in his words, even though he flashed a fake grin at the Valyrian.

“Please,  _ Jamad, _ honor my family by resting in our home as we prepare for your welcome feast. Your companions are welcome as well.”

The Valyrian turned to Brienne and bowed to her, and she mimicked Lannister’s move from earlier. She thought she heard Hyle snicker behind her, but she ignored him. 

The Valyrian led them inside to a modest house by Westeros standards, but based on what she’d seen of the Valyrian village, it was almost a palace. Peeking down the hallway, she saw what looked like 6 rooms, and she hoped that at least one of them had a working shower. 

“My home and my servants are available for whatever you require,” he said as he stepped backward toward the front door. He bowed one last time to Lannister, then walked out, leaving them alone.

The three of them stood in silence for a few minutes before Hyle broke the tension.

“What in the seven hells was that?”

Brienne wanted to laugh, because she’d been thinking the exact same thing. She looked at Lannister, and he would not meet her eye, he was avoiding looking at all of them, instead focusing on the hallway behind them.

“While we’re here, you’re under my protection, and the Valryians won’t harm you, but,” he hesitated, sighing to himself before continuing. “But it would be best if you didn’t leave this house. The servants will bring you whatever you need.”

He left them, walking down the hall at the farside of the room, closing the door behind him.

***

She was sleeping in a bed, dreaming of a beach, letting her skin crisp and freckle as the sun burned her up, when she shot awake at the sound of the knock on her door.

On full alert, she jumped out of bed and yanked the door open, only to see Lannister in a robe, holding a robe in his arms.

“Sorry, didn’t know you were resting.” 

She couldn't keep the scowl off her face, of course he didn't know, he had walked away from them as soon as he could. 

But she didn't expect his wince as he looked at her. 

He held out the bundle in his arms, and she took it before thinking.

"If you want to use the steam room," he said, looking down at the floor. "They don't have baths here, and it's the best way to get clean."

He nodded and left her again.

Her robe was so soft in her hands, it had to be one of the softest things she had ever touched, and she couldn’t wait another second to have it against her skin.

It was luxurious, and it fit, wrapping around her body like it had been cut to fit only her. The color was grey, but everything on Valyria was grey, so she didn't hold it against it. But it didn’t feel right to wear a robe and nothing else, and the idea of a steam soundly heavenly. 

She opened her door, and headed down the hall, past their rooms, toward the back of the house. She hadn’t explored the place, she had been too exhausted, but Lannister had said there was a steam room, and that was the only logical option. 

Behind the kitchens, she saw a door, and when she opened it, a wall of steam hit her face, relaxing her instantly, but not before she heard a voice call out from behind it “In or out!” and she groaned as she realized Lannister was in there too. She looked at the wall next to the door, and sure enough, his robe was hanging there, and she blushed while realizing what that meant.

She could leave, she told herself. He probably knew it was her, and he would understand, but she knew he would think her a coward and smirk at her for days on end. So she went in, closing the door behind her.

Once the steam cleared a bit, she saw him, stretched out on a bench, a golden god made flesh, with only a small towel covering his manhood, and she felt her heartbeat start to pick up as her face flushed. 

She quickly sat down on the bench across from him, letting the steam fill up between them, giving her some cover. 

“Take the robe off and leave it outside, the steam will ruin it.”

Slowly, so slowly she pulled the robe off her shoulders. She blushed furiously at the idea of stripping in front of him, but the robe had felt so soft against her skin, and she hated the idea of ruining it, so she quickly hung it on a hook outside the room and retreated to her bench. 

She thought about stretching out like Lannister was, letting the steam fully envelope her and clean her skin of all the grim and dust of the last week. 

But she looked at him, and he was sitting up, looking at her, his eyes piercing through the steam, boring right into her. She quickly grabbed one of the more functional towels and wrapped it around herself before sitting back down on the bench.

“Why are you here doc?”

‘I was invited’ was her first thought, but she knew he didn’t mean this room.

“You don’t even believe your brother is alive, and here you are anyway.” His voice was full of resignation, and golden god or not, she would not let that stand.

The towel was far too small for her, and she felt it drop off her body as she stood up too quickly, but her fury pushed it out of her mind.

Galladon could be dead, she knew that, she  _ knew _ that, but he could be alive, and no one could tell her the truth either way, and she would be damned if a  _ traitor _ was going to tell her what she believed.

He gulped as he took her in, his eyes traveling up and down the length of her body, and she steeled herself for his remarks, bracing for the impact of whatever cruelty he would throw at her.

He shook his head before looking away. “That was out of line.”

“Don’t you play with me,” she said, her voice almost menacing to her own ears.

“I’m apologizing,” he said, at last looking her in the eye. “I don’t know that he’s dead anymore than you do.”

She sat back down, grabbing the towel on the floor and wrapping it around her shoulders. The steam in the room kicked in, and she watched him as the heat enveloped him. He shuddered underneath it, and she saw all the things he’d been hiding: the bags under his eyes, the tension in his shoulders, the swelling around his stump. He needed rest, a lot of it, and there was no end in sight to this mission of theirs.

“Why are  _ you _ here Lannister?” She could not keep the irritation out of her voice, and she smiled as he flinched at her harsh tone. “Did you come back just so they would adore you? Do you miss being in the spotlight that much”

He sat up again, his eyes violent as he turned to her. “I came here to give it back,” he spat the words at her.

“I survived this,” he said as he waved his stump at her, “and exile, and grief, and ten years of nothing but my failures so I could come back here and give them their future back.”

He was breathing heavy, and she wondered how long he’d been in here, but he abruptly stood up and crossed the room to her.

He held out his amulet to her, and she took it without thinking. It was heavy, metallic, and there was something powerful in it that she could feel in her hand, so much that she let it go before it could get inside her.

“Have you figured out what  _ jamad _ means doc?”

Her fingers were still tingling as she looked at him, the haggard look on his face even more apparent this close to him.

“Something like honored friend or guest?” The Valyrians seemed to love the word, seemed to love him, but no, she really had no idea.

He laughed bitterly. “If only,” he said. “It means something like memory, I'm the living and breathing embodiment of their history. I carry every memory of every  _ jamad _ who came before me. And that makes me their revered leader.”

Most men would be happy with that position, she thought, and most men would not be able to hold that kind of power and not lose themselves, but Lannister looked like a condemned man, not a king.

“And that’s you?”

He nodded slowly and held up the amulet to his chest. 

“It’s not a trinket, it’s a storage device, it holds their history, and it’s also the method you use to transfer them.” 

He moved the amulet aside, and she saw the brand on his chest as he ran his fingers over the grooves in his skin.

“It’s not supposed to hurt, to mark you, but then you’re not supposed to give that power to a  _ f’yagh _ .”

“But they did,” she whispered, not knowing anything about the former  _ jamad,  _ but knowing they must have had their reasons. 

“He had no choice,” he whispered, his voice empty. "He was dying."

She looked away from him, and he retreated back to his bench, back to lying down.

“They deserved so much better than me, and once we find whatever is left of your brother, I’ll pass this on to whoever wants it, and there will be one less Lannister in the world.”

_ No, _ she thought, her chest contracting at his vile words. 

_ That can’t be all there is for you.  _

_ What about me, and Hyle, and Galladon, what about us. _

“Are you really so craven?” 

He jumped to his feet, his face alight with fury. 

“I cannot fight for them with this.” He held his stump up to her face, and she saw the blisters and the scar tissue and she reached for it, holding it in her hands, gently massaging the damaged flesh. 

He looked panicked, but he didn’t pull away. 

She tried to think of something to say to him, something to save him, but there was nothing, her mind blanked out, so she kept on massaging his wound, trying to heal the wound she could see. He took a step toward her, and a second too late she saw how glassy his eyes were, how flushed his face was. 

How could I have missed that, she asked herself as he tilted forward, collapsing into her arms, and she caught him, holding on tight, until she lowered him to the floor.

“Am I coward after all?” he muttered before drifting off as she called for help.

***

**Jaime**

He thought he heard the Valyrian shouting, but he ignored it, choosing to listen to the warning from his brain that he needed to keep going, keep going, keep going.

And he did, the skimmer was flying at dangerous speeds, but he knew what to do, he just had to keep going, and once he did that, he could think of what would come next.

Yes, that's what he would do.

But the Valyrian had other ideas.

He heard him shout, but he heard the words in his head, a deep sound reverberating off the walls of his skull, telling him to stop the skimmer now, right now.

So he did, pulling the skimmer to a stop next to a rocky outcrop.

He jumped out of the driver's seat to see the Valyrian, and he grimaced when he saw Jaime, but he gestured for him to come closer, and Jaime did, sidestepping over his shattered body.

"I won't make it," his words were bitter, but his eyes were determined as he looked Jaime over and over.

"I need -"

He stopped to cough, and Jaime could not ignore the blood that came out of him, the deep orange color cannot be ignored anymore than the sweat on his forehead, the grey clinging to his skin.

Jaime cursed himself for not bringing along any sort of pain relief, but he had not had time. The Valyrian was supposed to be dead, and he looked dead at the time, and Jaime needed his fellow soldiers to believe he was dead.

He kept coughing, and Jaime saw the fear in his eyes as he gestured for Jaime to come closer. Jaime leaned down over him, close enough to feel the Valyrian's breath of his face. 

He would grant any wish, he would agree to anything he wanted, but he couldn't force the words out, and Jaime stroked the soft gray fur on his head, hoping that would offer him a bit of comfort.

The Valyrian opened his shirt and gripped a necklace around his neck, tearing the chain. He reached up to Jaime, one hand on his head, the other pressing the amulet into his chest.

Even through his clothes, he could feel it burning, he could feel his mind cracking open as the memories of a thousand lifetimes flooded his brain. He wasn't sure when he started crying, but he felt the tears hit his hands as he saw a civilization rise and grow and die, piece by piece, until all that was left was a world that was ripe for conquest.

And one word kept singing in his head, one word, one figure among the Valyrians, sometimes male, sometimes female, but one who housed the wisdom and history of their race under their skin, within their blood and bones.

_ Jamad _

He looked down at Barristan, that was his name, he felt it beat with his heart, and he saw the contempt in the Valyrian's eyes. He was an offworlder, a  _ f'yagh _ , but there was no one else, and Barristan couldn't let this die too. 

It was him or no one, and he chose Jaime Lannister, the human who had tried to save him.

Jaime gripped the amulet Barristan still held to his chest, and he nodded.

Barristan closed his eyes and exhaled one final time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In 'The Man Who Loved Mars,' jamad is a cross between an emperor and a pope, the revered and unquestioned leader whose whims are law. Wow, that sounds like a recipe for disaster, doesn't it, so I modified the role as more like a living memory. Still a leader, but not given absolute power over his/her people.
> 
> And like Jaime, Ivo tries to save the life of the previous jamad, but he dies and passes on his powers to Ivo, because it's that or his people's memories die with him. Carter doesn't really get into that scene too much, but I liked the idea of Barristan being a little bitter about it, rather than more positive like in the novel (which doesn't feel right, despite Ivo's recollections).


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The welcome feast brings forth some emotional revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added a chapter count, and I'm pretty sure that's going to stick. Fun fact: my story is just over half the word count of the original novel.
> 
> So we're nearing the end! Thank you for sticking with my story; it means a lot to me, and I hope it means something to you too.

Their Valyrian hosts had pulled out all the stops for the welcome feast. 

The three of them had received an escort to the town center, into the largest building Brienne could see that still had its roof. But the villagers must have had advance warning of their coming, because it was spotless, practically shining when they entered, with a gleaming white floor and walls. Her chair squeaked as a servant pulled it out for her, but she managed to hold back her wince.

The cleaners had managed the impossible by keeping the dust out, but the real delight was the food. Never in her life had Brienne seen so many different dishes, and she tried every single one. She was particularly fond of a creamy soup that reminded her of lobster bisque, her favorite Storm's End staple. She was proud of herself for managing to swallow something that _squirmed_ in her mouth, even managing a weak smile to the chef afterward, as the proud woman moved on to present her dish to Lannister.

As the _jamad’s_ companions, she and Hyle were given seats of honor to Lannister’s right, but the _jamad_ sat alone, at the head of the room, trying his best to look interested, eating the food brought to him with grace, and smiling at everyone who passed by, but Brienne thought he looked lonely.

Charm was a reflex for him, like scowling was for her, and she watched more than one Valyrian come away from his table with a blush on their face, but his smile did not reach his eyes.

He had passed out in the steam room, but he came-to quickly, and the servants helped him to his room; he did look back at her as they escorted him out, but it was so brief that she didn’t have time to read his face.

And now she was staring at him from across the room, thinking she could tell he was lonely.

She sighed to herself, and turned to Hyle, who was watching one of the servants with a twinkle in his eye.

Despite the heavy scar across her cheek, the woman was still pretty, with deep red fur around her face, and she was looking back at Hyle with a devilish grin. She was also tall, taller than her, even taller than some of the men around her. 

“She’s not a toy Hyle,” Brienne said, keeping her voice low and stern, and he blushed a little as he turned to her. 

“No, she’s a woman, and she likes what she sees.” 

“She’ll crush you,” Brienne mused.

“Some men like being crushed,” Hyle replied, tilting his head toward Lannister. She could not stop herself from blushing, and Hyle shook his head at her.

“He’s still a traitor,” Hyle whispered to her. She expected to hear that mock jealousy in his voice, but she saw only concern in his eyes. 

“So are we.”

He inhaled sharply before turning away, trying to catch the eye of the servant he wanted to spend the evening with.

The lights in the room dimmed, except around the floor in front of Lannister’s table.

From the shadows, two figures approached his table and bowed to him. He stood and did the same, and Brienne heard the Valyrians cheer as he did. 

Lannister took his seat and the Valyrians in front of him, a man and a woman, began dancing. Brienne thought that if she was a Valyrian, she would have looked a lot like the female dancer; she was tall, with pale blonde fur across her head and upper body, she was broad,strong too, Brienne thought as she briefly picked her partner up, and he did the same to her.

But she was graceful, her body practically liquid as she floated around her partner, something Brienne liked to think she was, but never really felt. When she was dancing, she could imagine that her movements were smooth, that she could find a partner so attuned to her that he could predict her movements. 

It would never happen, but watching these two perform for their _jamad_ , the joy of dance clear on their faces, she felt that old hope creep into her body again, and she cried softly as they concluded their dance.

She clapped for them through her tears, and she was thankful for the dark room so that no one could see her reddened face, so that Lannister wouldn’t see her reddened face. Another pair came out, and they looked more like a typical dancing couple, but she applauded them too.

There were singers too, a pair of girls who did tumbling, an older man who read a passage in ancient Valyrian that she suspected no one understood, but she clapped for them all. 

And they kept coming; the thrill had worn off, and she wondered if the village officials had allowed anyone with a talent to perform if they wanted too because the _jamad_ was in residence. She couldn’t imagine he was liking this anymore than she was, but he bowed and smiled and clapped for every performer, like a leader should.

But finally, finally, the last performer was announced, a young woman with light brown fur, and deep purple eyes. Lannister paled when he saw her, but she smiled for him, a smile that lit that room.

And she sang, her voice high and mournful, in a language Brienne couldn’t follow, but the song was so sad, the singer began crying too, and Brienne imagined it was a song about being far away from home, kept apart from those you loved, longing only to get back.

She looked at Hyle, and she saw tears shining on his face. Maybe he was thinking about Galladon, maybe he had a woman he loved back on Arda. She thought about taking his hand, offering him comfort, but she didn’t want to play with him anymore. 

She looked at Lannister, and he was holding himself together, but barely. Close as they were, she could see a tremor in his face and a slight shake in his left hand. 

The song was nearly unbearable as memories of Galladon, and summers on Tarth, their ancestral home, came crashing back to her. She could see her father smiling as his children ran along the beach, chasing each other with handfuls of sand, ready to strike as soon as they got close enough. If she squinted hard enough in her memories, she could see her mother there too, she was a toddler who was forbidden to play in water, but Galladon put her on his shoulders and walked into the waves, and she could feel the spray on her face as her parents laughed.

She wiped the tears away as the singer finished, the whole crowd in shock at the song’s abrupt ending. The Valyrian approached Lannister’s table from the side and kissed his check, whispering something in his ear. An alarm buzzed in her head, and she jumped to her feet, but the girl was already walking away.

Some of the crowd started to look at her, and she was so embarrassed she felt she had no choice but to do something now, so she left the hall, and while she was fairly certain the snickers she heard were in her head, she wasn’t a hundred percent sure. 

She found a quiet spot outside to sit, and away from the rest of them, it was very peaceful, cold, but the stars were bright. Valyria had two moons, but they weren’t visible very often, and they were both dark tonight, and she appreciated that kindness, getting to sit alone with her embarrassment in the near dark.

_She clung to Galladon before he boarded his ship, and he held her tightly, squeezing the breath out of her, promising her that he would stay safe._

But he wasn’t safe. He was on a world that didn’t want him, as was she, and she hoped and prayed that she could find him in time to bring him home.

She thought of Lannister too, the boy he must have been, heading off into the unknown with only faith and lies to guide him; had his sister held him tightly, did he promise her that he would be alright, a promise that he could not possibly have kept. 

She shook her head, it was no use she reminded herself. That boy was long dead, and her brother wasn’t, not yet.

_Not yet._

The hall started to empty, people leaving to go home, or not go home as the case may be. She suspected Hyle was not coming back to his room tonight, and she wished him luck, and hoped he wouldn’t say anything to upset his paramour.

She shook her head, and stood up, trying to spot Lannister, to make sure he made it home; she felt a stab in her chest when she realized that he also might not be heading home. The last singer had left an impression, and she could see them together, even if it was at that moment she realized how much she didn’t want that to happen.

_He’s a traitor_

She heard Hyle’s voice in her head, and she knew it was true, but it also wasn’t true. The men he killed, they deserved it, everyone on this planet was better for them having been killed. And he chose a side, the losing side, even after their surrender the Valyrians lost more and more everyday, but she could not convince herself that he had chosen the wrong side.

The Valryians hadn’t asked for any of this, it was something her people had done to them. For twenty years, the Valyrians had lived with people who didn’t care if they lived or died, or how they lived or died, as long as they could take what they wanted. And then that hadn’t been enough, her people had needed to take more and more. Could she blame the Valyrians for fighting back, or punish Lannister for choosing to fight with them?

_He didn’t have a choice, but he still chose them_

She came out of her reverie as she saw one last figure leave the hall, and she knew it was him. He was alone, but he walked with purpose, and she thought of those faces in the crowd she wanted to forget, the ones who would have gladly watched her die, and she had to think those same feelings might extend to the human _jamad_ as well.

So she followed him. 

***

Brienne could not tell if he knew she was following him, but if he did, it didn’t seem to phase him. He kept the same pace, in the same direction, as she stuck to the shadows.

He stopped when he reached a small area a few streets away from the hall. It wasn’t fenced or very big, but it was lined with rocks on all sides, so everyone would know that this space was to be kept separate. 

Lannister stepped over the barrier, almost like he expected it to shock him, and when it didn’t, he walked toward the back of the small enclosure and knelt in the dirt.

“You can come out now.”

He said the words without looking at her, and she flushed as she walked toward him. 

“Don’t try to be stealthy, doc, you’re not built for it.”

She bristled at the comment, but she couldn’t deny he was right. She walked up to him, and saw that he was gently touching a small rock in the ground.

“I saw you leave the hall,” she said, her voice so tiny. Not only had she been caught, which was bad enough, but now she had to explain why she’d been following him in the first place. 

He looked up at her, the question in his eyes, and she scoffed at him. “I didn’t think you should be alone. You said it wasn’t safe.”

“For you and Hyle,” he replied, turning his attention back to the stone. “But you don't have to be concerned about an old traitor like me.”

She found herself torn between two responses, wanting to fire a scathing retort at him (assuming she could think of one), and telling him the truth, that she didn’t think he was a traitor, not anymore. 

But she said nothing, because her tongue felt too big for her mouth, and her words left her. 

“Have you ever been in love?”

She gasped at his question, an innocuous sounding one, but she shook her head in fright, afraid to give him an answer that she was sure he would know was a lie.

She felt a tug on her chest, something inside her was begging her to tell him the truth, say yes, yes, yes.

“No,” she whispered while her heart pounded on.

He sighed, but nodded. 

“I was in love here, and never again.” 

He was looking across the village, down the road she could see small houses with lights still on, maybe they were still buzzed from the feast earlier, maybe there were hundreds of couples, celebrating the return of their _jamad_ , and someday they will look at the children they made on this night, and the parents would smile at the memory of this soft night in a lifetime of hardship.

But Lannister was not going to have a night like that, and neither was she. 

She stepped toward him, and bravely, shyly placed her hand on his head, and he turned into her palm as she gently stroked his blonde curls. He closed his eyes, and she imagined he was with his love, together again if only in his mind.

“He was a Valyrian,” he said softly, so softly that it sounded like it hurt to say the words. It hurt to hear them, but she would never tell him that. Her feelings were not relevant to him.

“He died in my last fight, everyone died in that fight.”

Lannister paused and held his prosthesis in his left hand. “I killed him, and his sister gives me this.”

He held up the stone to her; it was a dull orange but polished with a letter carved into it, something that looked like an a. 

“They couldn’t get his body back, so she had to make due.”

His voice was heavy with bitterness, and still she stayed silent. What could she say to him about the stone in her hand, his dead love, any of this?

He stood up, looking her in the eye, and she saw a hardness on his face that had not been there before.

“Have I rendered you speechless doc?”

He had, and she could only stare at him, her mind whirling. He was so close, close enough to touch in any way she chose.

_But he’s not mine to touch_

She grabbed his hand, and gingerly gave his love back to him, and she ran. He called after her, but she did not stop; she ran, and ran, and ran, until her breath caught in her throat, blocking out every thought but breathing as she collapsed on an unknown road. She felt the dirt on her skin, the cold seeping into her bones, but she didn’t have to care about that or anything else, all that mattered was the air in her lungs.

_In and out, in and out_

She pushed out every thought of him, every desire coursing through her veins, she shoved it all aside, she needed to breathe, and she needed nothing else.

Not Lannister, not Hyle, not her father, not even her brother or her mission. She curled up on the hard ground beneath her, holding her knees to her chest.

She saw his face, Renly’s face, a doctor she worked with, a doctor she had loved, the first man she wasn't related to that made her feel safe, she saw his kind beautiful face as she leaned down to kiss him, and he didn’t react until the last possible second, gently pushing on her chest, pushing her back, telling her that he wasn’t interested. He had smiled at her afterward, and she couldn’t look at him, she had been so brave, and she was defeated by his kind rejection.

What a lie that had been, she told herself as she felt a sob come over her. She had hoped that he would put it away, that he would forget, but she’d heard him, talking to a group of doctors, heard him mocking her, she can still hear the laughter in his voice, and it is a saving grace of her life that he didn’t know she’d heard him. She was no coward, but she couldn’t face that, a man she had loved, laughing at her.

Not then, not now.

She heard the footsteps, but she squeezed her eyes shut, blocking them out, just lying there in the dark, breathing in and out, in and out, hoping he would pass her by and leave her be.

But he didn’t.

He kneeled in front of her, and she felt small and weak as she kept her eyes shut. She wanted him to touch her, but no, he belonged to another, a dead man, she could never win against someone he had loved, someone who had died for him.

She heard him get up, and walk behind her, and she couldn’t guess what he was going to do, but if she’d had the time, she would not have said that he would have scooped her up and carried her in his arms.

But he did.

She clung to him, pulling on her own arm to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, holding onto this fantasy as long as she could, she the injured maiden, he the noble knight.

During her run, she had not picked a path, but she must have known on some level where she was going, because he carried her past two houses, and she was back in the house they were borrowing. He carried her through the hall while the servants smiled at him and held the door open for them.

“Do you need a healer _jamad_?” one of them asked.

She squeezed her eyes tighter and buried her face in his chest, breathing him in, breathing him out …

“She’ll be alright, she just needs to rest.”

She could feel him struggling to keep her upright, and she clung tighter to him. He kicked open the door to her room, and gently laid her in her bed. 

“You’ll be alright doc.” He ran his hand along her head, delicately running his fingers between the rough strands of her hair before backing away.

And he left. She kept her eyes closed until dawn.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne, Jaime, Hyle and some Valyrians head out in search of Galladon.

_You’re in love_   
_You’re in love_ _  
You’re in love_

She kept her eyes shut, but she heard the voice, her brother’s voice, as he ran around her, keeping out of reach from her grasps. He had snuck up on her as she was reading a note from someone, a note that was all lies, but she didn’t know that then. At that moment, she was happy, a boy liked her, _her,_ and her brother had to tease her about it.

She opened her eyes, and his voice was gone, just like him. 

A quiet knock at the door got her heart pounding, but it wasn’t Lannister this time. A servant, a Valyrian woman with that same scar, nodded at her, and handed her a bundle of fresh clothes.

“The _Jamad_ asked me to let you know that your party will be leaving at midday.”

She smiled at Brienne but Brienne didn’t see her go, her mind was already away, back to the mission, back to something real. Her brother was real, her quest was real, Gal was dead, or not, and she was going to find an answer either way.

***

Brienne laughed a bit to herself as she saw Hyle climb onto his slidar; he had run here from another house, his hair and clothes a mess, and he looked stiff as he swung himself into position. He grimaced as he settled in place, but he couldn’t help flashing a grin at her. 

She had asked if she could ride her slidar from her first journey, and the Valyrian attendant had given her a curious look, but she’d nodded and walked over the same beast from their earlier trip. Brienne ran her hand along its skin, enjoying the rough feel on her fingertips. 

“I'm going to call you Podrick,” she whispered, sure it couldn’t understand her, but when had that ever stopped anyone from talking to an animal. Podrick had been the protagonist's horse in a book she'd loved as a girl, and it felt fitting. She hoped the slidar wouldn't mind the boy's name, but she was too shy to ask for the beast's sex, so a boy it was.

She thought she felt something like a purr from the beast, and she took that as a sign to climb on. 

Brienne sat atop her slidar, and she was surprised when Lannister didn’t climb with her, instead grabbing an unclaimed beast and sitting atop it by himself.

He was ahead of her as they set out, at the front column, leading his troops behind him. Some 20 Valyrians had volunteered to go with them, and Brienne wished Lannister would tell them to stay behind. It was probably safer with a full party, but there were so many of them now, there was no chance of sneaking anywhere, the dust cloud their party made alone would give them away well before they got anywhere.

But like it or not, they were coming with them, and she kept her doubts to herself. She absentmindedly reached for her waist, but his arm wasn’t there clinging to her, and she hated herself a little for it, but she missed him. She wanted him watching her back, and it hurt so much to admit it, but after last night, denial wasn’t an option anymore.

She cared for him, and the sooner she saw that, the easier it would be to move on. They would find her brother, in whatever state he was in, and she and Hyle would take him home. Maybe if they agreed to not talk about what happened, maybe they could escape with only a light sentence, maybe she could still have the life she had before.

She saw herself, back on Arda, caring for her patients, coming home too late, exhausted and lonely, her dance classes the highlight of her week, and no end in sight to her solitary routine. She shook her head, it wasn’t much of a life, but if it would have her back, she’d take it. And maybe, just maybe, she could make it better after. 

There were so many maybes ahead of her, but Lannister was never a maybe, he was a no, an impossible, hard _no_ . He was going to stay here, as a _jamad_ or not, he wasn’t going back with them. And who knows, maybe the feds wouldn’t find out about Lannister, maybe they could get away with it.

One of the Valyrian riders slid up next to her, keeping in time with her slidar. He had kind eyes, but his grin was too knowing for her taste. He handed her a canteen, and she took a sip of the nectar (Valyrian water was far too precious for drinking); it was sweet, but not at all what she wanted. 

But she smiled and gave it back, turning away from him, even slapping the reins to encourage her slidar to speed up. It worked, but too well, the beast took off, spooking the slidars in front of them, and soon she was ahead of all them, her slidar careening forward without a care for her comfort at all. 

She pulled on the reins, gently, like Lannister had told her, and Podrick slowed, but he had a taste for speed now, and instead of just walking or running, he started to trot. She was afraid to try the reins again, afraid that he would throw her, so instead she leaned forward, putting her long body to use as she clamped her legs around his torso, and stretched her arms to cover his eyes.

He stopped, not roughly, but slowly, like it could remember what the terrain looked like before the world went dark.

She jumped down and she couldn't stop herself from hugging him for good measure, her own heart pounding as she repeated soothing words as she stroked his harsh skin over and over, only stopping when she heard the other riders approaching.

Of course, Lannister was at the front, but he looked relieved to see her standing still, no longer riding an out-of-control slidar.

He rode up to her, jumping down with ease and handed her his reins.

"Take mine, she's tamer."

She didn't know what to think, but she shook her head. "This one is mine, we understand each other now." Podrick made a soft noise, and she couldn't help but smile at him.

She patted his head, but Lannister was still standing there, holding his reins out to her, now looking angry.

"It wasn't a request," he said through his clenched jaw. 

"And I said -"

"Fine, go ahead and die, see if I care."

Without another word, he and his tame, gentle slidar left them behind, and she had no choice but to follow.

***

The sun had begun to set when they finally arrived at the post, but Galladon wasn’t there. No one was.

The post was abandoned.

It shouldn't have been a surprise, she had seen the video of the explosion, but her heart broke as she looked at the burnt buildings and felt the crunch of the darkened dirt at her feet.

_Who could survive this? Who would want to survive this?_

She stepped toward a partition, and she thought she recognized it from Gal's video. He had been right here, crouched behind this very wall just weeks ago.

She bit her lip, holding in a sob, when she felt a hand on her elbow. She knew it was him, and she wished she could throw her arms around him, bury her face in his neck as he held her. 

_Again_

Instead, she bit her lip harder, peeling the skin from her chapped bottom lip. She felt the sharp pain as the small piece of her body was torn off, but it helped distract her.

"They were here," he said as he withdrew his hand. "He was here, and we'll find where they went."

He nodded at her, and she saw the _jamad_ in him come out, and it was a breathtaking sight. She could see him, on a throne, wearing a white cloak, shining like the sun, a man made to serve others, a man made to lead.

And in that moment, she believed him, believed in him, and she felt a slight pain at the idea that he didn’t.

She shook her head, pushing those dangerous thoughts aside as she looked closer at their surroundings.

It had been a small post, more of a waystation for the soldiers than an actual place they lived, but it was all gone, just a few burnt walls left standing.

_What were you doing here Gal? Where did you go?_

It was late, and the light was fading, it was too late for a proper search, so they set up camp away from the burned structures.

It didn’t surprise her that Hyle set up his tent next to hers, and it didn’t surprise her when Lannister set up his tent on her other side. She didn’t mind Hyle being so close, but she wished Lannister would find somewhere else to sleep.

She wanted him close, and she knew if he began to shiver, she would have to go to him, and she didn’t want him to know how much she wanted to hold him, or be held by him.

But he didn’t move, and she didn’t have the courage to ask him too, and she couldn’t sleep knowing he was suffering, so she went to his tent and fell asleep wrapped around him, loving him and hating him for it.

***

Lannister led them away from the post, and she was glad for it. The burnt ground felt cursed, and the echoes of buildings carried too many ghosts. She couldn’t guess at how many soldiers had died there, and she could only pray that her brother had not been one of them.

The Valyrians had told them they had not seen any soldiers coming their way for a long time, and Lannister surmised that if they had gone back toward the nearest post, there would have been no reason to lie about Galladon’s death.

East of the post, was what Lannister calmly referred to as the River of Death, a flowing body of noxious gas at the bottom of the canyon that would kill anyone who got too close, as it did the very first explorer to disregard the warnings of the locals.

So they walked west, her trusty slidar beneath her, toward the Red Forest. She had heard the Valyrians whispering about it, their faces drawn tight, their shoulders hunched as they rode around her.

The Valyrian with the red fur came up to her again, offered her nectar, and she declined, but she had to know.

“What’s the Red Forest?”

He had been smiling when he came up to her, and his smile fell. He didn’t look afraid, it wasn’t exactly fear on his broad face, but she detected a slight shudder across his shoulders.

“It’s a cursed place,” he whispered. “I’ve never been, no one alive has been there for generations, because we’ve all heard the stories about what lives there.”

She wanted to ask more, but he moved away, not looking at her, but looking ahead, ready to walk into hell because his _jamad_ asked him too. 

_Didn’t I do the same?_

She saw her father’s face, his kind eyes as he said goodbye. He didn’t want her to go, he wanted to go instead, but he was too old for quests, too frail for danger, and she thought she saw a hint of that in his eyes too. He had held her, told her to be safe, to bring her brother home, and she had sworn she would.

Lannister interrupted her thoughts as he rode next to her.

“There are many legends about the Red Forest, every _jamad_ has a different version, but they all end the same way, with the curious explorer meeting a grim end from going where they shouldn’t have.”

He reached for her with his prosthetic hand, but he recoiled when he saw what he had done. 

“But they are just stories,” he said. “No one knows what’s there.”

Not giving herself time to think, she reached for his hand, the one made of plastic, because it was closest to her. She squeezed it, and she knew he couldn’t feel it, but he was still paled at her touch.

“No one knows,” he repeated, taking his hand back from her and riding ahead.

***

They rode on and on, and she knew they were getting somewhere, because she could see the footsteps they left behind them as they kept walking, a wide trail of footsteps left behind in the dirt. 

She tried not to think about the footsteps they should have seen, the footsteps of the soldiers who came this way that were not in the dirt. 

_Will ours disappear when we meet their fate?_

She shrugged the thought off, keeping her eyes on the trails, at the buttes and mountains ahead of her. She would pick one, keep it in sight and watch as they got closer and closer, until she passed it and had to pick another.

It felt like she kept picking the same rock over and over, but they couldn’t be true, so she dismissed the thought.

But she wondered. 

And she waited.

She could feel the tension threading through her companions, and she was not immune to it. This place, this trail felt wrong, she watched the rocks as much as she could, trying to push the dread out of her, but it didn’t help.

They had been walking along a straight road for what felt like hours, and the road kept getting longer and longer, when Podrick stopped and would not move forward. She urged him on, but he would not move.

She climbed down, and saw a wild look in his eyes, a look that said he had seen too much to go on.

One by one, she saw the other riders stop, their mounts refusing to move as well. Lannister was the last one down, his gentle beast finally succumbing to whatever had overtaken her fellow slidars.

He looked back at them, and without a word, removed his pack from his beast and put it on his shoulders. 

“We’re walking.”

He led his slidar to the back of their group, and gently smacked her haunch, and she took off flying.

“They know the way back, let them go home.”

The Valyrians and Hyle did the same, and Hyle looked ahead of them with a grim look on his face, but he let his slidar retreat to safety. 

Brienne was the last one, but her slidar wouldn’t budge. Podrick wouldn’t move forward, whatever journey he had been on, he would walk no further, but neither would he leave her. Not even the slidar wrangler, who had handled him since birth, could get the beast to move.

Lannister smiled as he petted the creature. “You have a fan doc.”

He looked ahead of them, and grimaced. “Let it stay, we’ll come back this way eventually.”

He doesn’t know that, she thought. But, she mused, neither did she.

***

And they walked. It was harder for her to watch the scenery ahead of her on foot, because they were so far away, and they stayed far away, never even seeming to get closer this time. Hyle was walking next to her, and she could hear the pain in his body as he walked, and he needed to stop, they all needed to stop, because whether or not her brother could be found, they would never find him like this.

She jogged up to Lannister, and she saw what she felt on his face: dread and doubt etched into the dirt on his too handsome face.

“Let’s rest,” she said, and he nodded, not even teasing her, a sign that he was much more tired than she could see.

He led them to the side of the trail, and they sat against an outcropping, settling down in the shade. They had been on this trail for hours, but the sun was still high, it had not moved since they had started on this path. She wanted to sleep, she wanted to lie down in the dirt and just sleep for a thousand years, but no, she would never find Gal like that, so she stayed awake.

A Valyrian came up to her, reluctantly, but he was holding his hand over his arm.

“You are a healer?” he asked her, and she nodded as he took his hand away and looked at the deep gash across his forearm. 

She could feel every eye on her as she rummaged in her pack for her kit, looking for the salve she’d used on Lannister’s wounds.

She held out her hand, and he gave her his arm, and she cleaned it, gently brushing the dirt away. He winced as the alcohol hit the wound, but he bared it as best as he could. 

She placed the salve on him, hoping that it would be the same for Valyrians, and she smiled as she saw it already working, binding the wound and preventing outside influence on the healing.

“Don’t cover it,” she told the man, and he nodded. “It will be uncomfortable, but leave it alone.”

He nodded again, and she saw him grimace as it started to heal him, but he would be fine. 

Lannister stood up, an odd look on his face as his eyes ran over her, but they all copied him and stood up too. They had rested, and now it was time to get back to their journey.

Hyle was the first one to see it. He was closest to the front of the outcropping, he rounded the stone structure first, and he was the one who yelled out “What the fuck?”

She ran to him, and gasped as she saw it, the Red Forest, right on the trail in front of them, right where it hadn’t been before their rest.

It was not a forest, but she understood why they called it that. Trees didn’t grow on Valyria, but rocks and mountains were everywhere, and these stones were taller than all of them, they were taller than the ancient trees of Westeros, they were tall enough to block the sky. The stones loomed over them and they were so tightly packed together, with only enough space to walk through, but only one at a time, in a zigzag formation. 

It made for a great defensive setup, but what was being defended, Brienne asked herself. 

_And who was defending it?_

And the red, it was so red, like an organ that was keeping the planet alive, the red light pulsed from behind the stones, it was in every crack, menacing and inescapable.

Lannister took a step toward the stones, when a Valyrian, the man who had given her the nectar ( _did he ever tell me his name?_ ) took a hold of Lannister’s arm, holding him back.

“ _Jamad,_ please, I’ll go in your place.”

His eyes were white, he was so afraid, but even now, even for a _f’yagh,_ he would face his greatest fear to protect him.

Lannister gently removed his arm, looking back at the Valyrians who had come so far, just because he asked them too. 

“You have been gracious hosts, but I ask that you wait here for us.” The Valyrians all looked terrified, they had lived with these legends for a thousand years, and that wasn’t something anyone could just dismiss. 

They _were_ terrified, but they did not want to be left behind. 

“Please _Jamad,_ you just came back to us.”

The man knelt in front of Lannister, but Lannister pulled him to his feet. “Valyria will protect me.”

The Valyrians echoed his words, whispering the words together, and for the first time since the steam room, Brienne felt a warmth around her at those words. Yes, Valyria would keep him safe. Hopefully, it would protect her and Hyle too.

Lannister turned to her, a question on his face, and she nodded. She was ready. She turned to Hyle, and he gulped, but he nodded too. Lannister took a step forward, between the rocks, and she followed, with Hyle behind her, right into the beating heart of Valyria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: The end!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Into the heart of Valyria they go.

The light was loud, was the first thing she could think of when she stepped between two stones, into the red.

She called out for Lannister, for Hyle, even for Galladon, but she couldn’t hear her own voice over the pulsing hum. It was cold too, so much colder than she had ever been in her whole life; her teeth started chattering, and she was shaking, but she kept going, kept pushing forward, following Lannister wherever he was taking her.

Gal had gone this way, she could feel it, he was still alive, he was here, she just had to keep going. 

She stepped between two stones, and the panic overtook her, because Lannister was gone. She looked behind her and Hyle wasn’t there. She felt her heart beating in time with the throb in the air, and she had to choose, right stone or left stone, because if she stayed here, she would die of fright, and Galladon would never make it home.

Left or right, left or right. Lannister would go right, yes, that would be his instinct, his right leading the way, but she turned herself left, because ten years ago, he would have gone right, but now he would lead with his left, because he was a soldier first, he would lead with his strongest side, protecting his weaker flank. 

She went left, left, left, every time there was a choice, she went left, and it felt right, even as the doubts tried to bore their way into her thoughts, but with her heart pounding, and the air pulsing, there was no more room for anything but watching her feet going forward.

She stepped between a small crack of stones, she had to squeeze and tug her body through it, and she was through, the stones were gone.

The pulsing grew louder as she stepped into a clearing, the red light dimmed until it was a deep red, enough to see by, but just barely. 

She screamed his name, Hyle’s name, but she could only hear the rhythm in her chest, the rhythm in the air. She stepped forward, and her foot ran into something, she kneeled down and saw a body, Hyle’s body, somehow he’d gotten here ahead of her. Choking back another scream, she felt his neck, his pulse was strong, he was alive, but asleep.

She tried to revive him, but he wouldn’t wake, wouldn’t budge, and she couldn’t carry him by herself. Cursing herself for her weakness, she left him, promising him that she would be back, hoping that he could hear her, that he would believe her.

Another step forward, and she heard it, heard Lannister, screaming her name, her actual name, her name rolled off his lips in a desperate plea. Somehow, he’d found a way to drown out the red noise, to make himself heard. She saw a dark shadow moving toward her, and she didn’t even pause to think, she moved toward it, toward him.

And she felt it, this heaviness, like she was carrying a boulder on her back, but the boulder was inside her, so she couldn’t put it down, but it was dragging her down all the same. 

He was so close, but she couldn’t get to him, and she wanted to scream, but it wouldn’t do any good, so she trudged on, trying to ignore the weight, the pain, trying to ignore all of it. She just had to get to him, that’s what mattered.

She watched as he inched closer, his shape getting clearer in the dim light, but her face fell as she saw him stumble, like his legs weren’t working properly. 

He stumbled again, falling forward, and like a snap, her body came back to her, and she ran to him, not thinking about the danger, or what could be in the way, only thinking about getting to him in time. 

“Jaime,” she cried as she reached him, catching him before he could hit the ground. He was asleep already, like Hyle, and she could feel her own body falling away from her, but not before she got him to the ground, safe and sound next to her.

***

Her eyes flew open, her heart pounding, she tried to run to him, tried to carry him back to the stones, they would stay together this time, she would be strong enough to grab Hyle too, to keep them all safe.

But her legs wouldn’t move.

Her entire body was stuck in place, and she tried to scream, for Jaime, for Hyle, for the Seven, but it made no difference, she couldn’t move, she couldn’t scream, she could barely breathe.

She closed her eyes, tried to put herself back home, tried to imagine herself on a beach, on a horse, yes, with the horse she loved, she had named him Feathers, with her hair blowing in the wind it was peaceful, but she took a short breath, and she knew it was just a memory. She was on Valyria, where the men she loved were missing, the horses were slidars, and she still couldn’t move.

She tried to push her arms forward, but her arms weren’t chained. She was standing in a room of red light, the same red light from the outside was here too. She tried to look around, she tried to examine the cluttered items on tables near her, but her panic was still with her, and her eyes wouldn’t stay steady.

Brienne heard a sigh from behind her, and of course she tried to turn to see who was speaking, but she was still frozen.

A woman walked in front of her, a human woman with long red hair, and brown eyes that were not just eyes, Brienne thought wildly. They were deep brown pools full of ancient secrets and ancient woes. It was way too much for a person to hold inside their head, and Brienne had to look away from them.

The woman looked her up and down, and Brienne saw a hint of interest in her mouth, not the scorn she was expecting. The woman was beautiful, but it was a beauty that could not be touched, a beauty that would scald any person who tried. A woman like that should scorn a woman like her, and Brienne cringed under her ruthless gaze.

She heard footsteps, footsteps from far away, but getting closer. The woman smiled at her, a grin full of malice, and Brienne felt a tug in her chest, like she was being stretched and shrunk, and then she was somewhere different, squeezed between two statues, statues of human men standing still with their eyes open.

But here she could move, at least a little.

She touched one, his body had turned to stone, but she ran her hand over the name embroidered on his chest, Martell, a name that made no sense on Valyria but was common in Dorne, and she knew that her brother was here, he was frozen just like the man in front of her, his skin turned to stone, his eyes hard and dull.

“Where is she?” Brienne heard his voice, Jaime was far away, too far away, but his voice was loud, his anger clear. She tried to call out to him, but her voice froze in her throat.

“Her?” The woman said, a flirtatious lilt in her voice, but Brienne felt that tug again, and she was back with them, out of breath, but she could still move.

She reached out to Jaime, grabbing his right arm, making sure he was real, and he was, and something inside her broke open, the relief flooded her brain, and if she hadn’t remembered the statues, she would have broken down weeping at this very spot.

Brienne looked at the Red Woman, and she had the mad thought of tackling her, forcing her to the floor until she agreed to release them all. 

_I could do it, I just have to do it now_

“You couldn’t.” The Red Woman held up her hand, looking right at her, the chill in her voice unmistakable. "And it would hurt my feelings if you tried.”

Brienne had to fight a shiver from taking over her body. “You saw the others,” she said, the menace in her voice absolute. “I warned them too.”

“Are they dead?” Her voice was shaking, but she had to know if she had killed Jaime and Hyle for nothing.

“They are asleep,” she said, “and they’re going to stay that way until they are forgiven.”

Her voice was flat, drained of emotion, but Brienne could hear the anger in her words, she could practically see the cold fury housed in her body. 

“They came here chasing down some rebels, and then tried to destroy my forest, my home. They woke me up, and I was not done sleeping.”

She looked at Brienne, and this time, Brienne could not break away from her gaze, her eyes locked onto this woman who housed fire in her soul, a fire that would consume them all, and Brienne’s eyes starting to tear up because she’d even lost the power to close them, when the woman looked away, and she was free.

_Gal what have you done?_

“Who the fuck are you?” Jaime’s voice rang out in the small room, and Brienne could see the barely controlled rage in the tightness of his lips and the slight shake of his good hand. 

“What are - ” Brienne watched him gulp as he reached for his throat as the Red Woman held up her hand.

“Be silent.”

The woman stepped closer to Jaime, running one finger down his cheek, and Brienne could already see a red welt forming along the path.

“You think because you can walk upright and speak a language I invented that you can come here and tell me what to do, what to say, as if I should care about you.”

She held her finger on his face, and Brienne tried to stop her, not to hurt her, just to stop her, but she was frozen again.

So she watched as his skin began to smoke, and his eyes widened in pain as the dark wound across his face grew bigger. The Red Woman’s face was passive, like she was watching an insect die. 

And the woman screamed, her mouth widening to an unnatural distance, and like lightning across her soul, Brienne felt that scream in her bones, in her skin, down to the molecules that made up her blood. 

The scream had reached everywhere, and then it was gone, like it had never been there at all. 

The Red Woman had released Jaime, his skin was black and smoldering, but she could see his chest moving, he was alive, he was alive.

_For now_

She kept her eyes on Jaime, and the deep brown pools of the woman's eyes became white, her voice lowered with no hint of emotion behind her strange words.

_Your heart stops as you see your brother, a little boy with no mother that you love in her place_

_Your heart stops as your brother calls you, every time you think it’s to tell you it’s the last time, but it never is, he never stops_ _  
  
_

_Your heart stops as he holds you to him, your love is too big for your body, you’re afraid it will leak out and be gone forever_

_Your heart stops as he dies, you want it to stop forever, but it keeps beating, never stops for him again_   
  


_Your heart stops as hands that want to strangle you free you instead, she does not mock your weakness_

_Your heart stops as she wraps herself around you, holding you close, never letting go all through the long, cold night_

_  
Your heart stops, stops, stops, for him, for him, for her, for everything you love_

_Your heart keeps beating for them, it knows no other way_

Jaime would not look away from her, like her eyes were drawing him in, his heart had been splayed open for her to peer at, and she wanted to turn away, to take a moment just for herself, to figure out what they meant, but she couldn’t, because the Red Woman was still here. 

The woman closed her eyes, looking at both of them, and Brienne felt her limbs unfreeze, and her legs wobbled underneath her, but she managed to stay standing. She grabbed Jaime’s arm, he was having the same trouble she was, but she helped him regain his footing. The smell of his burning flesh made her want to gag, but she had no idea how this woman would react to that, so she swallowed her fear down, keeping it locked in place.

Jaime took his arm back from her, and she was hurt, but she understood. They had to be strong now, even if it was just an act. She’d never felt weaker, and she was sure it showed, but she would try to fake it, like he was.

“You are the first _jamad_ in a thousand years to come here.” Her voice was calm, quiet, and Brienne couldn’t shake the image of a cat ready to pounce from her mind.

“I erased the memory from her mind, and left a myth behind, warning her progeny not to repeat her adventure.”

Jaime nodded at her words, as his face paled. “She thought it had been a dragon she’d run from.”

“A dragon that breathed fire, singed her hair and shook the ground beneath her feet.”

_If he had told me that, would I have still come?_

Yes, she thought, the answer would still have been yes. A dragon would not have stopped her, although she wondered if Hyle would have balked at that. She wouldn't have blamed him.

“But here you are,” the woman said as she looked Jaime up and down, like looking over a prized stallion.

“What is your wish?”

And he was silent, his face ashen.

The Red Woman looked at Brienne, and her heart started to race, but the woman shook her head.

“I cannot give you what you already possess.”

She turned back to Jaime, her eyes blazing but, Brienne thought, she looked more thoughtful than angry.

“Do you want revenge for your people? I can rain down holy fire on Arda, make them suffer as they have made Valyrians suffer, a pain not even the Seven could protect them from.”

She ran her hands over a sphere that Brienne now realized was a globe, she thought she could even see Storm's End from her position, and she was so afraid for all those she’d left behind because here was a being that could end them all, and they’d never even known she'd existed. 

“Or do you want a more personal revenge, to maim the soldier who maimed you, take both his hands, or his feet, or all of them, maybe his tongue too, tear him apart, piece by piece.”

Jaime held his maimed hand to his chest, she saw the old pain on his marred face, but blanched as she saw a hardness settle on his face.

“Or something simpler.”

She flicked her hand, and Jaime gasped as his prosthesis fell to the floor, and a hand sprouted from his wrist. He tried to shake it off but stopped as the fingers of his right hand moved for the first time in a decade. Brienne saw the tears in his eyes, she had them too, and he looked at her like a man reborn.

“And what of Valyria?”

He looked at the terrifying woman in front of him. 

“Would you wish for their freedom? Would you lead them through it?”

Brienne watched Jaime as he ran his hands through his hair, over his neck, touching every part of himself he could reach, even running his new hand over his blackened cheek. He reached for her hand with his right, and he squeezed, his grip was strong, like the limb had never left him.

“You can do that?” he whispered the question, his voice was so soft she could barely hear him.

“I can do one,” she replied. “So tell me, Jaime Lannister, as you stand before a conduit for a god you never knew, who do you wish to be?" 

The woman bored her gaze into Jaime, her eyes lit up, the flames sparking as she held them open. 

She gently grabbed his chin, and she seemed to grow taller, as if she was looking down on him from a perch among the stars.

“What path will you walk when the choice is yours?" 

She let go of him, but she didn't drop his gaze, and Brienne could see his eyes beginning to water as he looked into the ancient wisdom housed in her body.

"Are you a soldier or a _jamad_?”

He tore his eyes away from her and looked at Brienne, and she had no words for him. He had to choose to be the man he used to be, or the man he could be, and he had been stuck in place for a third of his life, and finally, right here, right now, he had to choose which way to go, right or left, forward or back, it was finally up to him.

She closed her eyes, thinking of Galladon, and how she would tell her father he had died. She couldn’t tell him that he had angered a woman who wasn’t a woman at all, a woman who could end the world, and he would be stone until she was over it. 

_Gods don’t get over it._

She would have to lie to him, tell him he hadn’t died in the explosion, but after, from a wound gone septic. Hyle would support her, he would let her brother be dead for the sake of her father, she was sure of it.

Yes, that was a lie she could live with. 

She felt the tears on her face, but she didn’t remember crying. Jaime was staring at his hands, like he was holding the whole world in them, and she wanted to laugh, because he was. 

She saw that vision again, of him in shining white, sitting on a throne, the man he was meant to be, the man denied him. 

Jaime took a breath, held it in as he clenched his fists, but his face was calm as he looked at the Red Woman.

“It’s Valyria,” he said, his voice clear and bright in the dark red room. “I choose Valyria.”

The Red Woman smiled at him, and there was neither malice or joy in the smile, but Brienne thought she was pleased.

“Where do we start?” her tone was light, almost mocking.

“The soldiers,” he said, turning to Brienne, and her heart started to race. “Send them home, and don’t let any of them return.”

Brienne turned her head, back toward the statues, and Jaime nodded. “All of them.”

“They don’t deserve forgiveness,” the Red Woman said, her voice cold, but Brienne noted that that wasn’t a no. 

“Neither do I.”

The woman nodded, and Brienne heard a pop in the air, and she knew, at long last, Galladon was safe. Her brother would live, her father would live, Jaime would live, that’s what mattered.

The woman turned to her, turning those fierce eyes on her, but Brienne did not look away this time. She kept her gaze on the woman, seeing those flames again, and Brienne had the good sense to be afraid of her still.

“And what of you, Doctor Tarth? What would you wish for Valyria?”

She thought of the village crowd she had seen; the faces greeting them, marked by wounds of a cruel people. She thought of the Valyrians who smiled at her, who meant them no harm, but who also had so many wounds, wounds that she couldn’t even see.

“I would heal them,” she said, like Jaime, her voice strong and unwavering.

_And you will_

She heard the voice in her head, and she felt the tug in her stomach. She reached for Jaime’s hand, and he held on tight as they vanished.

***

She felt something rough on her face, and she tried to brush it away, but it kept coming back. She opened her eyes to see her slidar, her faithful, terrified slidar standing over her, licking her awake. 

She looked to her left, and there was Jaime, and she was clutching his stump, his prosthesis lying on the ground between them. 

_Was it a dream?_

He woke up too, smiling at her. His smile wavered as he saw his arm that no longer ended in a hand, but he placed his hand over hers. Her eyes widened as she looked at his cheek, it had gone back to normal, like she had never burned him. He felt it himself, and his eyes watered.

“Brienne?”

She turned and there was Hyle, standing there, rubbing his head. “What happened?”

She stood up, ran to him and hugged him, holding him close. “He’s alive, Gal’s alive.”

She looked behind Hyle, and she could see the Valyrian warriors in the distance, waiting for them to come back from their doom. She turned around and saw the soldiers, a small squad of soldiers blinking in the sunlight, including one soldier with white blonde hair that stood a head taller than the others.

She let go of Hyle and ran to her brother, wrapping her arms around him before he could even say a word. 

“Brie, how did you -”

His words cut off as a message came through the receiver on his shoulder.

“All units, return to your posts for immediate return home. Repeat, all units return to your posts now.”

He looked at her, and she saw what she had seen in Jaime’s eyes, the haunted look of a man who had suffered for his naivete. But he brushed it aside as the words hit him.

“We’re going home?”

He squeezed her to him, and she could not ignore the tears he left in her hair. He would have so much healing to do, and she hoped he would put the time in to heal himself.

“You are,” she said as she pulled back from him. “You and Hyle are going back.”

His smile brightened as he saw his best friend who had crossed space and another planet to rescue him. 

Gal pulled Hyle into their hug, but she pulled back from them. She looked at both of them, and she gave them both a sad smile. “Take care of dad, both of you. And send him my love.”

She gently took the small knife from Gal’s uniform, and cut a piece of her hair off, slipping it into Gal’s pocket. 

He could only nod. Hyle looked at her and shook his head, but smiled sincerely just the same. 

“Good luck,” was all he said. He hugged her one last time, and he nodded at Jaime, who nodded back. 

And they were gone, back to their post, back to their homes, back to Arda, away from a world they had only hurt.

Jaime stood next to her as she watched them walk away. She hoped Hyle would be alright, but what was one more body, one more soldier on a plane full of them. And Gal would be there to protect him. 

“There’s still time to go doc,” Jaime said, with no feeling. “You have a life there too.”

She didn’t answer him, but she opened her medical kit, grabbing the last alcohol swab and running it over his cheek, just in case. He didn’t flinch, it didn’t even hurt, the wound had been erased, it was gone.

She opened the kit, to put the dirty swab in there for now, and she saw more swabs, more of everything, and she knew, somehow knew that she would find any medicine, any tool, she needed in there; anything at all she needed to heal these people, she would have.

And she saw their future in that second too; he would be the leader she saw in her vision, but not a leader with a throne to sit above his people, instead a leader who could help them build a future out of their past. And she would be with him, healing anyone who asked, teaching a new generation of doctors how to do it too, hand in hand with the man she loved; Jaime Lannister, soldier, traitor, _jamad_ , the man who loved her.

“I want this life,” she said, taking his hand and his stump. 

He didn’t look convinced, not yet, like he couldn’t believe that she would choose him, choose Valyria. 

She cupped his face in her hands, and kissed him, and he wrapped his arms around her as he opened his mouth, welcoming her in, welcoming in their new world.

***

**Jaime**

Private Jaime Lannister felt the excitement in his chest like it was a living thing, like it was ready to burst out of him and start a new life for itself on Valyria.

_Valyria, a planet of dreams, a planet for a new beginning._

He saw his father’s face in his head, the grim line of his mouth, the silent fury in his eyes, but that image could not compete with the hope he held inside him. Here, finally, was a chance to make a difference, to do something that mattered.

The Valyrians were a poor people, a dying people, and he and his fellow recruits were going to make all their lives better, and he would know that as long as he lived, he had done this one thing right.

His stomach roiled as the ship dropped into the Valyrian atmosphere, and the fluttering in his chest lowered to his stomach, as he thought about the ship, the thin strips of metal that were keeping him safe from certain death. He gripped the hand rests, his knuckles turned white, but he kept his mind in check, he wasn’t going to be like that idiot Payne, who was still recovering from his injuries. 

He breathed in and out, in and out, until the ship landed on solid ground with a thud. He laughed, a small one that his fellow recruits joined him in. They all got up, unbuckled themselves and raced to the doors as they opened up and saw the new world.

The laughter died in all of them as they took in the sights before their eyes, an enormous gray mountain of pure rock that stood above them, a mountain that had been there for a millenia, a mountain that would still be here when everyone in this planet was nothing but dust and bone, and here they were, the first people from Arda to look upon it.

He coughed as the dust swirled around him, but that didn’t stop him from stepping forward with his arm shielding his face so he could be the first to step foot on a new planet.

The dust eventually settled, and he knelt down to scoop up Valyrian dirt in his hands. He couldn’t say why, but it felt like the right thing to do as the fine grey soil slipped through his hands.

He smiled at the pool of dirt at his feet. 

_A new land, a new beginning, it’s waiting for me here._

He looked back at his fellow recruits, wondering if they were all thinking the same thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s how ‘The Man Who Loved Mars’ really ends:
> 
> Ivo and crew, including some Martians who are helping them out, find the lost city, and while they are looking for treasure, they find a passage below the city. They walk down, down, down until they find a room filled with tech they have no idea how to operate, but it’s all stuff that could help the Martians in the future.
> 
> Boris (Hyle’s inspiration) turns out to be a traitor, and he ends up firing off his gun, and in a truly shocking foreshadowing fail, nothing bad happens. The Martian gods who have been sleeping wake up, tell all of them that Martians and humans are cousins, and they use their powers to banish all humans from Mars.
> 
> Ivo makes a passionate argument about letting the humans who have chosen Mars stay on the planet (including him), and they agree. The gods go back to sleep, Ilsa decides to stay (for literally no reason given), and that’s it.
> 
> I do really love this book, but it’s impossible to read that ending and be satisfied. Carter really just went, fuck it, here’s some deus ex machina, I’m out. 
> 
> So consider this a fix-it for that book as well as a JB AU. It’s cruel to make Jaime make a choice like that, but it’s his to make; a victory should cost something, but it should also offer more than what you gave up, and freedom for Valyria is worth a hand, just like shielding Brienne from sexual violence was worth it.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I have enjoyed all your comments, and I poke and prod at this book, but it has good bones, and a good heart; I read that it was written as a science fiction take on the genocide of American Indians, and while it is very much a 1970s novel, Carter had the courage to univocally say that what his ancestors did was wrong (which wasn't something a lot of Americans wanted to think about at that time). And I didn’t include it, but he has this section where Ivo talks about what it means for him to be a traitor that’s absolutely *breathtaking* and that’s the passage that made me fall in love with the whole thing way back when.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it too. And if you check out the book, and love or hate it, I’m on tumblr at albatrossisland, come tell me why.


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